Comic Relief!!

[30-30]

There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish. The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into brown haired woman and she swims off the island.

 The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one. So, instantly she is turned into a black haired woman. The black haired woman builds a boat and sails off the island.

 The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."

"Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"

[30-30]

All of his life George from Cape Breton had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that day, they'd walk across the lake to the boat club for their first legal drink.

 So when George's 21st birthday came around, he and his pal Corky took a boat out to the middle of the lake. George stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned! Corky just managed to pull him to safety.

 Furious and confused, George went to see his grandmother. "Grandma, it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"

 Granny looked into George's eyes and said, "Because your father, grandfather and great grandfather were born in January, you were born in July."

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

Two blondes decide to go duck hunting. Neither one of them has ever been duck hunting before and after several hours they still haven't bagged any.

 One hunter looks at the other and says, "I just don't understand it - why aren't we getting any ducks?"

 Her friend says, "I keep telling you, I just don't think we're throwing the dog high enough."

[30-30]

A lady was in the delivery room starting to deliver her baby. As the head came out it was dark and had an afro. The doctor said, "Madam, have you ever slept with a black man?"

 "Well, yes, but only once."
 "Once is all it takes" he replied.


 Then the torso came out and it was yellow.
 "Madam, have you ever slept with an oriental man?"
 "Well, yes" she said, "but only once."

 "Once is all it takes," he said.
 When the legs came out they were red. The doctor asked her if she had ever slept with an Indian.
 "Well, yes" she said, "but only once."
 "Once is all it takes," he said.

 He finally pulled the baby all the way out and held it upside down and slapped its bottom to make it cry. As it started to cry the woman exclaimed "Oh, thank God, at least it doesn't bark!"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

A blonde came home from school one day and said to her mom, ”I can count higher than all the kids in my second grade class, do you think it is because I am a blonde?” Her mother replied, ”Of couse it is, dear.” The next day, the blonde said, ”I can say the alphabet higher than anyone in my class, do you think it is because I am a blonde?” Her mother replied, ”Of course it is dear!” The next day the blonde came home from her gymnastics and asked her mother, ”I have a larger chest than all the kids in my class, do you think its because I am a blonde?” Her mother replied, ”No dear, I think it is because you are eighteen years old.”

[30-30]

        The Breast stroke competition?

A blonde woman competed with a brunette woman and a redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted.

 After being revived with blankets and coffee she remarked, "I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms."

[30-30]

A family is driving in their car on a holiday. A frog crosses the road and the husband, who is driving, is able to stop the car. He gets out an takes the frog and carries him to the side of the road. Frog is grateful, thanks the man, and tells him that he will grant him a wish.

 Man says: please make my dog win the next dog race.

 Frog asks to look at the dog which jumps out of the car. The frog notices that the dog has only got three legs and tells the man that he thinks it is almost impossible to fulfill his wish and asks that the man will tell him another wish. The man says: "Well, then please help that my wife will win the next beauty contest in the area. Frog asks him to tell his wife to get out of the car.

 Wife comes out of the car and approaches the frog. The frog turns to the man and says: "Could I please have another look at the dog???"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

There were three friends Chris, John and Keith, who decided one sunny day to go for a walk in the forest. After a while they realized that they were lost. And before they knew it they were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told them that the only way they could survive from the cannibals was to pass the trial. The first step of the trial was to go into the forest with the cannibals and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So they thought that was easy enough, and all three friends went their separate ways to gather fruits.

 Chris came back first and said to the king. " I brought ten apples."

 The king then explained the next part of the trial to him. You have to shove the fruits up your bums without any expression on your face or you will be eaten. The first apple went in... but on the second one he screamed out with pain, so he was killed and went to heaven.

 Then John arrived and shows the king his ten fruits which were berries. When the king explained the trial to him, he thought to himself that this should be a piece of cake. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter, therefore he was also killed.

 After a while Chris and John met in heaven. Then Chris asked John, " Why did you laugh?, you almost got away with it!"

 Chris replied, " I know, I couldn't help it. I was doing fine when all of a sudden Keith showed up with all those watermelons!"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Billy Bob that she would send someone out right away.

 Where do you live?" asked the operator.

 Billy Bob replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."

 The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"

 There was a long pause and finally Billy Bob said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"