Comic Relief!!

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

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[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

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One day, a 4th grader came home from school and asks his father. "Dad, everyone in class can count to 100, but I can only count to 10. How come?"

 

His father says, "Well son, that's because you're from  West Virginia."

 

The next day, the 4th grader came home from school and says. "Dad, today everyone in class recited the entire alphabet. I only know up to the letter 'L.' How come?"

 

Again, his father replies, "Well, that's because you're from West Virginia."

 

Then one day, the 4th grader came home and was all excited, wearing a smile from ear to ear. He says, "Dad! Dad!  Today, we were in gym class, and all the boys had little penises, but mine was huge! Is that 'cause I'm from West Virginia??" 

 

His father replies, "No son, that's because you're 28 years old."

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[Green Mountian Hunter]

                     There were three nuns,
                They all told the priest that they were going to do one sin each. So the priest says ok, do your sins, come back, and I'll bless you.
               So, they went to do their sins and came back to get blessed. The priest asked the first one who was laughing what her sin was.
               She said, "I had sex with a guy." The priest said ok, blessed her and said go drink some holy water.
               So she did! The next one was laughing harder, and the priest asked her what her sin was. She said,
              "I got in a fight with another nun." So he says ok, blessed her and told her to go drink some holy water. So she did!
               The priest asked the last one who was laughing even harder what she did. And as she was laughing she said,
               "I peed in the holy water!"

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             This one is for all of you who either:
 a) have kids
 b) have grown kids
 c) were a kid
 d) know a kid!
As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3-year-old daughter
 was having a wonderful time playing on the bed.

At one point, she said, "Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of
 her fingers. Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck
 her fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers!"
 pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.

When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her
 fingers with a devastated look on her face. I said, "What's wrong
 honey?"

She replied, "What happened to my booger?"

[chuckrudy]

nice

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 



                       Elevator

               An Amish family from Pennslyvania decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Mother, Father and their son.
              They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the elevator.
              Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.

              While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.
             The amish family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.
             The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde. Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful! Paw looks at his son and says,
             "Quick boy, shove your mother in there!"

[30-30]

Sister Mary and Sister Agnes were driving along one day in Sister Mary's car, when all of a sudden a vampire bat landed on the windshield. Sister Mary was astonished and frightened. "Oh, my goodness! What should I do?" she asked. 
"Do yer windshield wipers work?" asked Sister Agnes. "Why, yes," replied Sister Mary. "Well, turn on yer windshield wipers," suggested Sister Agnes. So Sister Mary turned on the windshield wipers, but it failed to dislodge the bat. "NOW what do I do?" she asked. 

"Do ya have fluid in yer windshield sprayer?" asked Sister Agnes. "Why, yes," replied Sister Mary. "In fact, it's holy water, from the Vatican." "Then spray the bat with it," suggested Sister Agnes. So Sister Mary activated the windshield sprayers, but it failed to dislodge the bat. "NOW what do I do?" she asked. 

"Do ya have yer rosary with ya?" asked Sister Agnes. "Why, yes," replied Sister Mary. "Well, show him yer cross," suggested Sister Agnes. So Sister Mary rolled down the window and leaned out, and she shouted "Hey, you frickin' bat! Get off my damn car!"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[Green Mountian Hunter]

                What do you get when you cross a crooked politician with a crooked lawyer?

                CHELSEA