Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 617687 times)

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5625 on: May 06, 2021, 04:21:28 AM »

A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher.
The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, Preacher... I sure am."
The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right backup. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked.
"No, I didn't!" said the drunk.
The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"
"No, I did not Reverend."
The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My Good man, have you found Jesus yet?"
The old drunk wipes his eyes and asks the preacher... "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

« Last Edit: May 06, 2021, 04:23:50 AM by 30-30 »

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5626 on: May 06, 2021, 07:10:36 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5627 on: May 07, 2021, 04:33:36 AM »


A man took off with his family to tour the country. When he returned, his next door neighbour asked how he enjoyed the vacation.
"Well," he replied, "have you ever spent three weeks in a mini-van with those you thought you loved?"


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5628 on: May 07, 2021, 06:38:13 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5629 on: May 10, 2021, 04:40:45 AM »


A bar owner in the Old West has just hired a timid new bartender. The owner of the establishment is giving his new hire some instructions on running the place. He tells the timid man, "If you ever hear that Big John is coming to town, drop everything and run for the hills!! He's the meanest, biggest, nastiest outlaw who ever lived!!"

A few weeks pass uneventfully. But one afternoon, a local cowhand comes running through town yelling, "Big John is coming to town!! Run for your lives!!!" When the bartender exits the saloon to start running, he's knocked to the ground by several townspeople scurrying out of town. As he's picking himself up, he sees a large man approaching the saloon, probably about 7 feet tall, muscular, grunting and growling as he walks. He stomps up to the door, orders the poor barkeep inside, and demands, "I want a beer NOW!!" He pounds his heavy fist on the bar, splitting it in half. The bartender nervously hands the big man a beer, hands shaking. He takes the beer, rips the top of the bottle off with his teeth, and downs the beer in one gulp. As the poor timid bartender cowers behind the bar, the big man gets up to leave. "Do you want another beer?" the bartender calls out. "Dang it, I don't have time!!" the big man yells. "I gotta get out of town!!! Didn't ya hear Big John is a-comin??"




Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5630 on: May 10, 2021, 03:07:29 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5631 on: May 11, 2021, 04:45:25 AM »


Two young boys were closely examining bathroom scales at the department store.

"What's it for?" one asked.

The other replied. "You stand on it and it makes you real mad."


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5632 on: May 11, 2021, 10:31:32 PM »
 :)


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5633 on: May 12, 2021, 05:25:31 AM »


The banker fell overboard from a friend's sailboat.

The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, “Can you float alone?”

“Obviously,” the banker replied, “but this is a heck of a time to talk business.”


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5634 on: May 12, 2021, 04:35:53 PM »
 :)


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5635 on: May 13, 2021, 05:06:33 AM »


A priest was sent to a very small church in the backwoods of Alaska. After a couple of years the Bishop decided to pay the priest a visit to see how he was doing. The priest said that it was a really lonely job and that he didn't think that he could have made it without his Rosary and two martinis each day. With that the priest said to the Bishop, "Would you like to have a martini with me?" The Bishop said, "Yes, that would be nice." The priest turned around and hollered toward the kitchen, "Rosary, would you fix us two martinis please?"

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5636 on: May 13, 2021, 06:28:23 AM »
 :)


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5637 on: May 14, 2021, 03:45:11 AM »


"Hmmm," St. Peter reflected. "Well, how about Mercury?"
"No way!" God muttered. "It's way too hot for me there!"
"I've got it," St. Peter said, his face lighting up. "How about going down to Earth for your vacation?"
Chuckling, God remarked, "Are you kidding? Two thousand years ago I went there, had an affair with some nice Jewish girl, and they're STILL talking about it!"


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5638 on: May 14, 2021, 04:58:25 AM »
 :)


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5639 on: May 16, 2021, 06:33:19 AM »


Three women were returning to their Hungarian village when they spotted a man, obviously very inebriated, walking ahead of them.
As they watched him stumbling, he fell face down into a mud puddle. When they walked up to him, one woman turned him over to see if she recognized him.
However, his face was so covered with mud that she bent over and unzipped his pants.
She remarked, "Well, he's not my husband."
The second woman peering over her shoulder agreed, "Your right, he's not your husband."
The third woman, somewhat older than the other two, bent over to look and said, "He's not from our village."


 


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