Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 915272 times)

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5640 on: May 16, 2021, 07:06:59 PM »
 :)


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5641 on: May 17, 2021, 05:22:28 AM »


Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey, boss I no come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomachache and my legshurt, I no come work."
The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today.
When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex.That makes everything better and I go work. You try that."
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5642 on: May 17, 2021, 06:42:41 PM »
 :)


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5643 on: May 19, 2021, 04:18:45 AM »


A man lost two buttons from his shirt and put them in his pants pocket. But the pocket had a hole, so the buttons fell into his shoe. Unfortunately, the shoe sole also had a hole, so he lost the buttons. As pockets with holes, holes without buttons, and shoe soles with holes are useless, the man ripped the buttonholes out of his shirt and the pocked from his pants and tossed them in the trash along with the soles of his shoes.A police officer who was observing the man asked him for some identification. The man gave the officer a document that shoed he was an ordained minister of the gospel. When the officer began to escort him to a mental institution, the minister protested violently, asking why he was receiving such unjust treatment.“Look, we both know it’s the best place for you now,” the officer replied. “Anyone claiming to be a preacher who doesn’t save souls or wear holy clothes has probably lost his buttons.”


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5644 on: May 19, 2021, 04:28:49 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5645 on: May 20, 2021, 04:19:50 AM »


A priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5646 on: May 21, 2021, 04:53:05 AM »


A man was driving a rig in a long line of tractor-trailers when a police officer pulled him over for speeding. Astounded that he alone was caught, he asked, "Out of all these trucks that were going just as fast as I was, why did you pull me over?"
"Have you ever gone fishing?" the officer asked.
"Yes," Walt replied.
"Well, have you ever caught all the fish in the pond?"


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5647 on: May 21, 2021, 05:01:31 AM »
 :)


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5648 on: May 22, 2021, 05:13:46 AM »


A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, "what's the matter?"
The fellow replies, "well I've got these two horses (sniff,sniff), and well... I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods."



The bartender, feeling sorry for the guy, tries to think of somthing he can do.

"Why don't you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?"

The man stops crying and says, "that sounds like a good idea, I think I'll try it."

A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before.

"What's the matter now?"

the bartender asks.

The fellow, in no condition to be in public, answers, "I shaved the tail of one of the horses (sob, sob), but it grew back and I can't tell them apart again!"

The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave says, "why don't you try shaving the mane, maybe that will not grow back."



The fellow stops crying, has a few drinks, and leaves. A few months later the fellow is back in the bar. The bartender has never seen anybody in this sorry of a state. Without the bartender even asking the fellow breaks into his problems. "I.. I shaved the (sob) mane of one of the (sniff) horses, and... it... it... grew back!"

The bartender, now furious at the guy's general stupidity, yells, "for crying out loud, just measure the stupid horses. Perhaps one is slightly taller that the other one!" The fellow can not believe what the bartender has said and storms out of the bar.

The next day the fellow comes running back into the bar as if he had just won the lottery.

"It worked, it worked!" he exclaims.

"I measured the horses and the black one is two inches taller than the white one!"

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5649 on: May 22, 2021, 06:34:51 AM »
 :D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5650 on: May 30, 2021, 04:53:59 AM »


Late one night at the insane asylum, one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
Another patient asked, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "Because God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!"


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5651 on: May 30, 2021, 08:14:05 PM »
 :)


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5652 on: May 31, 2021, 04:25:02 AM »


The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against wall.The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."
The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"
The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5653 on: May 31, 2021, 06:55:51 AM »
 :)


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5654 on: Jun 01, 2021, 04:49:49 AM »


A group of bats, hanging at the ceiling of a cave, discovers a single bat standing upright underneath on the floor of the cave.
Surprised by this unusual behavior, they ask this fellow: "What the heck are you doing down there?"
And the fellow shouts back: "Yoga!"


 


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