Comic Relief!!

[30-30]

There was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the accident except a monkey which was on board and there were no witnesses. The police try to investigate further but they get no results. At last, they try to interrogate the monkey. The monkey seems to respond to their questions with gestures. Seeing that, they start asking the questions.

 The police chief asks, "What were the people doing on the bus?"

 The monkey shakes his head in a condemning manner and starts dancing around; meaning the people were dancing and having fun.

 The chief asks, "Yeah, but what else were they doing?".

 The monkey uses his hand and takes it to his mouth as if holding a bottle.

 The chief says, "Oh! They were drinking, huh??!" The chief continues, "Okay, were they doing anything else?"

 The monkey nods his head and moves his mouth back and forth, meaning they were talking.

 The chief loses his patience, "If they were having such a great time, who was driving the stupid bus then?"

 The monkey cheerfully swings his arms to the sides as if grabbing a wheel.

[30-30]

A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense.

 As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting,

 "BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....."

 She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "BE SILENT!"

 There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot.

 She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting,

 "OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[Raquettedacker]

 

[30-30]

Hillary Clinton was addressing a group of American Indians in New York telling them all she did as senator and all she plans to do for them as President.
 At the end of the meeting the chief gave her a plaque with her honorary indian name, Walking Eagle.
 After she left someone asked the chief if there is any meaning to that name.
 He said "A walking Eagle is a bird that is so full of crap, it can not fly."

[30-30]

                            I the life of a dog!

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.
 - Unknown

 Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
 - Unknown

 Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies.
 - Gene Hill

 In dog years, I'm dead.
 - Unknown

 To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.
 - Aldous Huxley

 A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
 - Robert Benchley

 Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
 - Sue Murphy

 I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.
 - August Strindberg

 No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
 - Fran Lebowitz

 Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!
 - Anne Tyler

 I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
 - Rita Rudner

 My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can.
 That's almost $7.00 in dog money. - Joe Weinstein

 If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.
 - James Thurber

 You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets. - Nora Ephron

 Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
 - Ann Landers

 Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
 - Robert A. Heinlein

 In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.
 - Dereke Bruce, Taipei, Taiwan

 Of all the things I miss from veterinary practice, puppy breath is one of the most fond memories!
 - Dr. Tom Cat

 There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
 - Ben Williams

 When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.
 - Edward Abbey

 Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.
 - Unknown

 Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.
 - Unknown

 No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.
 - Christopher Morley

 A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
 - Josh Billings

 Man is a dog's idea of what God should be.
 - Holbrook Jackson

 The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andrew A. Rooney

 He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
 - Unknown

 If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
 - Mark Twain

 Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane.
 - Smiley Blanton

 I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts.
 - John Steinbeck

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he won’t pay up. What should I do?" "Do you have any proof he owes you the money?" asked the lawyer. "Nope," replied the man. "OK, then write him a letter asking him for the $5,000 he owed you," said the lawyer. "But it's only $500," replied the man. "Precisely. That’s what he will reply and then you’ll have your proof!"

[30-30]

A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son turned from the window to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

 The mother said, "Well, maybe that's something you could ask the stewardess."

 So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

 The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?"

 The boy admitted that this was the case. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your mother to explain it to you."

[fishnmachine]

LMAO!

[30-30]

At big event this guy is carrying two plates of food from the buffet- one for his girl-friend and one for himself. As they enter the large hall to sit at a long table, everyone looks up and starts moving their chairs to make room for the couple to sit. At the same time the girl says, "Honey, give me the keys to the car, I need to get something."
He looks at the plates in his hands and says, "Well, I can't give them to you right now...but you can reach in my pocket and get them."
Everyone is looking as she reaches into his pants. She smiles bashfully as she looks around and said, "I feel a little funny."
He replies, "Feel a little deeper and you will feel NUTS!"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

                 Ten things I know about you

1) You are reading this.
 2) You are human.
 3) You can’t say the letter ”P” without separating your lips.
 4) You just attempted to do it.
 6) You are laughing at yourself.
 7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.
  You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.
 9) You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person & everyone does it too.
 10) You are probably going to send this to see who else falls for it.

[30-30]

Class, do you know how many hours you are wasting on your smart phones daily?"

A quiet hush falls over the class. One student breaks it up.

"I know, Sir, let's google it!"

[Green Mountian Hunter]