Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 911908 times)

Offline Chucker

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #405 on: Jan 14, 2013, 06:51:54 PM »
If an apple a day works, why not?
I'm bound to stay where you sleep all day, Where they hung the jerk that invented work, in the Big Rock Candy Mountains.


Offline upstatehunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #406 on: Jan 15, 2013, 08:09:08 AM »
 On his 74th  birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife.
> The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby
> reservation
> who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile
> dysfunction.   After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation,
> handed his ticket to the medicine man and wondered what he was in for.
>  The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder,
> warned,
> "This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful and
> then say '1-2-3.'"   When you do, you will become more manly than you
> have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want."
> The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, "How
> do I stop the medicine from working?"   "Your partner must say
> '1-2-3-4,'" he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not
> work again until the next full moon."   He was very eager to see if it
> worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the
> medicine and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.   When
> she came in, he took off his clothes and said, "1-2-3!"  Immediately,
> he was the manliest of men.   His wife was excited and began throwing
> off her clothes and then she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"   And
> that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a
> preposition,
> because we could end up with a dangling participle.

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #407 on: Jan 15, 2013, 10:26:32 AM »

         LMAO, Scott. Good 1

Offline Cornbread

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #408 on: Jan 15, 2013, 01:48:38 PM »
A woman came to a preacher that was awful looking. Her hair was all torn up, she was overweight and looked terrible. she said, "Oh, Reverend, what can I do? My husband has started to drink."

The preacher looked at her and said, "Madam, if I was married to you I'd start drinking too."


************************************************

Ole  was talking about his marriage to his friend, Sven.  You know, Sven, I never knew what happiness was until I got married, then it was too
late.

************************************************

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?""
The mother replied, "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."
The child thought about this for a moment then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

************************************************

"So, Ole, I see you got a sign up that says, 'Boat For Sale.' But you don't own a boat, Ole. All you got is your old John Deere tractor and your combine." "Yup, and der boat for sale."

************************************************

Sven and Ole went out duck hunting, and they worked at it for a couple hours and finally Sven says: "I wonder why aren't we getting any ducks, Ole?" "I don't know. I wonder if we're throwing the dog high enough?"


Offline lewk24

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #409 on: Jan 15, 2013, 03:18:19 PM »
Nice ones Cornbread...

Luke
5

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #410 on: Jan 16, 2013, 03:54:11 AM »
Nice ones Cornbread...

Luke
That works for me corn bread hehehe....


Offline CAPTJJ

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #411 on: Jan 16, 2013, 04:58:20 PM »

Venison vs. Beef: The controversy is FINALLY settled..!

 Controversy has long raged about the relative quality and taste of venison and beef as gourmet foods. Some people say venison is tough, with a strong "wild" taste. Others insist venison's flavor is delicate. An independent food research group was retained by the Venison Council to conduct a taste test to determine the truth of these conflicting assertions once and for all.

First, a Grade A Choice Hereford steer was chased into a swamp a mile and a half from a road and shot several times. After some of the entrails were removed, the carcass was dragged back over rocks and logs, and through mud and dust to the road. It was then thrown into the back of a pickup truck and driven through rain and snow for 100 miles to the nearest bar. After several hours of "bragging time", it was transported to a tree behind a house where it hung out in the sun for a day.

It was then lugged into a garage where it was skinned and rolled around on the greasy floor for a while. Strict sanitary precautions were observed throughout the test, within the limitations of the butchering environment. For instance, dogs and cats were allowed to sniff and lick the steer carcass, but most of the time were chased away, along with the pesky flies, when they attempted to bite chunks out of it.

Next, a sheet of plywood left from last year's butchering was set up in the basement on two saw horses. The pieces of dried blood, hair and fat left from last year were scraped off with a wire brush last used to clean out the grass stuck under the lawn mower.

The skinned carcass was then dragged down the steps into the basement where several inexperienced but enthusiastic and intoxicated men worked on it with meat saws, cleavers, hammers and dull knives while watching a football game on a small TV. The result was 375 pounds of soup bones, four bushel baskets of meat scraps, three badly cut and bleeding fingers, and a half dozen steaks that were an eighth of an inch thick on one edge and an inch and a half thick on the other edge.

The steaks were seared on a glowing red hot cast iron skillet to lock in the flavor. When the smoke cleared, rancid bacon grease was added, along with three pounds of onions, and the whole conglomeration was fried for twenty more minutes.

The meat was gently teased from the frying pan and served to three intoxicated and blindfolded taste panel volunteers. Every member of the panel thought it was venison. One volunteer even said it tasted exactly like the venison he has eaten in hunting camps for the past 27 years.

The results of this scientific test conclusively show that there is absolutely no difference between the taste of beef and venison...!!
 



Its always archery season. >>>---------->
Hybrid longbow in hand.

Offline loonyone

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #412 on: Jan 16, 2013, 08:00:25 PM »
that just sounds to gross to eat............I might be changing to vegin if I have to eat that..................URGH

Offline fishnmachine

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #413 on: Jan 17, 2013, 03:31:30 PM »
Lol! That must be true, 'cause I just read it on the internet!!  ;D
It'll chew...

Offline loonyone

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #414 on: Jan 18, 2013, 07:48:56 AM »
Lol! That must be true, 'cause I just read it on the internet!!  ;D
everything you find on the internet is true.......... :-X

Offline lewk24

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #415 on: Jan 18, 2013, 07:56:18 AM »


Luke
5

Offline Chucker

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #416 on: Jan 18, 2013, 11:40:46 AM »
I'm bound to stay where you sleep all day, Where they hung the jerk that invented work, in the Big Rock Candy Mountains.


Offline Chucker

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #417 on: Jan 18, 2013, 06:43:29 PM »
I'm not sure if this one is funny or depressing...

I'm bound to stay where you sleep all day, Where they hung the jerk that invented work, in the Big Rock Candy Mountains.


Offline upstatehunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #418 on: Jan 18, 2013, 07:52:17 PM »
But it holds seven shots at getting it right.....to bad they can't shoot....

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #419 on: Jan 19, 2013, 02:43:53 AM »


                     

 


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