Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 911958 times)

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4455 on: Apr 08, 2018, 04:24:14 AM »


Marriage is like a railroad sign…

First you stop, then you look, and then you listen.

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4456 on: Apr 09, 2018, 03:11:13 AM »


Whenever you feel sad...

It helps to picture that somewhere in this world, there’s a fool pulling on a door that says “PUSH”!

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4457 on: Apr 09, 2018, 04:22:15 AM »
 ;D ;D


Offline seags

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4458 on: Apr 09, 2018, 10:20:04 AM »

Whenever you feel sad...

It helps to picture that somewhere in this world, there’s a fool pulling on a door that says “PUSH”!

 I see that once a week at the post office where I go, still a classic

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4459 on: Apr 10, 2018, 04:34:29 AM »


My 18-year-old daughter and I were watching TV when a character with my maiden name—Lester Highsmith—was introduced.

"I’ve never heard my name on TV before," I said.

My daughter was equally surprised. "Your name used to be Lester?"

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4460 on: Apr 11, 2018, 03:42:10 AM »


An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.

'Fred,' he replies.

'Fred what?' the officer asks.

'Just Fred,' the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.

The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.

The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'

The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.

Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.'

The officer walked away in tears, laughing.
 

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4461 on: Apr 11, 2018, 03:18:52 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4462 on: Apr 12, 2018, 04:36:27 AM »


A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are all being chased by cops. They reach an alley and there are 3 barrels. The redhead goes into the barrel filled with cats, the brunette goes into the barrel full of dogs, and the blonde goes inside the barrel filled with potatoes. The cops arrive at the alley and kick the barrels to see which ones have people in them. The cop kicks the barrel with cats and the redhead goes "Meow meow" so she doesn't get caught. The cop kick the barrel with dogs and the brunette goes "Bark bark" so she doesn't get caught. The cop kicks the barrel with the potatoes and the blonde says "Potato, Potato".

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4463 on: Apr 13, 2018, 03:53:36 AM »


A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street.

However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.

After watching the boys efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position.

He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.

Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"

To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4464 on: Apr 13, 2018, 01:54:48 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4465 on: Apr 14, 2018, 04:47:50 AM »


A guy is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door. When he opens the door, he encounters two sheriff's deputies, one of whom asks if he is married and, if so, whether the deputy can see a picture of the wife.
The guy says "sure" and shows him a picture of his wife.
The deputy looks carefully at the picture and then gravely says, "I'm sorry sir, but it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
The guy says, "I know, but she has a great personality, is an excellent cook, and lets me play golf whenever I want to!"


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4466 on: Apr 14, 2018, 05:42:05 AM »
 ;D


Offline Raquettedacker

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4467 on: Apr 14, 2018, 05:14:53 PM »

A guy is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door. When he opens the door, he encounters two sheriff's deputies, one of whom asks if he is married and, if so, whether the deputy can see a picture of the wife.
The guy says "sure" and shows him a picture of his wife.
The deputy looks carefully at the picture and then gravely says, "I'm sorry sir, but it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
The guy says, "I know, but she has a great personality, is an excellent cook, and lets me play golf whenever I want to!"

  It should be ..
A guy is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door. When he opens the door, he encounters two sheriff's deputies, one of whom asks if he is married and, if so, whether the deputy can see a picture of the wife.
The guy says "sure" and shows him a picture of his wife.
The deputy looks carefully at the picture and then gravely says, "I'm sorry sir, but it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
The guy says, "I know, but she has a great personality, is an excellent cook, and lets me  FISH whenever I want to!"

HEHE :D
"Dying is the easy part. Learning how to live is the hard part..."

Offline Raquettedacker

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"Dying is the easy part. Learning how to live is the hard part..."

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4469 on: Apr 15, 2018, 04:39:37 AM »


A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.

After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those new sports cars."

"She did," he replied, "but where the heck was I going to find a fake convertible?"

 


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