Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 912657 times)

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4515 on: May 20, 2018, 03:47:44 AM »


A Mormon acquaintance once pushed Mark Twain into an argument on the issue of polygamy. After long and tedious expositions justifying the practice, the Mormon demanded that Twain cite any passage of scripture expressly forbidding polygamy."Nothing easier," Twain replied. "No man can serve two masters."


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4516 on: May 20, 2018, 02:45:19 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4517 on: May 21, 2018, 03:54:46 AM »


A woman comes home and finds her husband in bed with a female midget. Furious, she screams, "You promised me you wouldn't cheat on me again!"
The husband replies, "Darling, can't you see I'm trying? I've cut down."


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4518 on: May 22, 2018, 03:45:25 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4519 on: May 22, 2018, 04:32:14 AM »


The two partners in a law firm were having lunch when suddenly one of them jumped up and said, "I have to go back to the office - I forgot to lock the safe!"
The other partner replied, "What are you worried about? We're both here."


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4520 on: May 22, 2018, 04:49:45 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4521 on: May 23, 2018, 04:06:10 AM »


A man asked an American Indian what was his wife's name.
He replied, "She called Four Horse".
The man said, "That's an unusual name for your wife.What does it mean?"
The Old Indian answered, "It old Indian Name. It mean,
NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG!"


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4522 on: May 24, 2018, 03:54:23 AM »


One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, 'When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller.
Don't love me anymore?'
'Nonsense, darling,' replied the husband, 'you just cook better now.'


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4523 on: May 24, 2018, 03:56:17 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4524 on: May 25, 2018, 04:43:19 AM »


 President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar.
A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"

The barman says, "Yep, that's them."

So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WW III."

And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"

Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one buxom  blonde ."

The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits?" "Why kill a buxom blonde ?"

Bush turns to Powell and says, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4525 on: May 26, 2018, 04:19:44 AM »


A very thirsty man goes into a bar.

As he waits to get the bartender's attention, a regular sitting next to him calls out, "I'll have another waterloo."

The bartender gives the regular a tall ice cold drink and asks the newcomer what he would like. The thirsty man points to the man next to him and says, "I guess I'll have what he's having, a waterloo."

So the bartender brings the newcomer a tall ice cold drink. The man takes a long deep drink and calls out, "HEY! This isn't any good. It tastes just like water!"

The regular bar patron sitting next to him says, "It is water. That's all I drink," He turns to the bartender and says, "Right Lou?"



Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4526 on: May 26, 2018, 05:45:17 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4527 on: May 26, 2018, 06:54:01 AM »

Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.
 
After arriving in Paris, he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home. To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine.



As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.
 
Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table, asked him something in French (which Murphy could not understand), so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down.



 He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language. After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her.
 
After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music.



They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.
 
Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed. To this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business !!












Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4528 on: May 27, 2018, 04:57:35 AM »


Hillary Clinton died and, Lord knows why, went to heaven. St. Peter approached her and says "Hillary, I know you're 'somebody' down on Earth, but up here, you're just another person. And, I'm swamped right now, so have a seat and I'll get back with you as soon as I can."
So Hillary sits down and begins looking at her surroundings. She notices a huge wall that extends as far as the eye can see. And on that wall there are millions and millions of clocks. She can't help notice that on occasion some of the clocks jump ahead fifteen minutes.

When St. Peter returns she asks "What's the deal with the clocks?"

St. Peter replies "There is a clock on the wall for every married man on Earth."

Hillary asks, "Well what does it mean when the clock jumps ahead 15 minutes?"

St. Peter replies, "That means that the man that belongs to that clock has just committed adultery."

Hillary asks, "Well, is my husband's clock on the wall?"

St. Peter replies, "Of course not. God has it in his office and is using it for an electric fan."


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #4529 on: May 27, 2018, 06:17:31 AM »
 ;D


 


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