Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 720414 times)

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6330 on: Sep 23, 2022, 04:02:46 AM »


Little Johnny's mother was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the bottle. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked four-year old Johnny to answer the phone.
Little Johnny ran out into the living room and answered the phone. "Mommy, It's the minister," he said to his mother.
From the kitchen Johnny's mom said, "Tell him I'll call him back."
Little Johnny spoke into the phone saying, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."     




Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6331 on: Sep 23, 2022, 08:30:07 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6332 on: Sep 26, 2022, 04:45:00 AM »


A young girl was attending her first wedding, watching the proceedings with interest for a while before growing restless.
The groom stood at the altar as six bridesmaids walked slowly up the aisle, one by one.
Soon, the girl leaned over to her mom and whispered, “Why doesn’t he just hurry up and pick one?”


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6333 on: Sep 26, 2022, 07:41:34 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6334 on: Sep 27, 2022, 04:02:06 AM »


Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock.

They only have $600 left. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.'

The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.'

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, 'It's just 99 cents a word.' Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'

The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable?'

The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly ... com-for-da-bull.'


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6335 on: Sep 28, 2022, 04:07:40 AM »


The crumbling, old church building needed remodeling, so the preacher made an impassioned appeal, looking directly at the richest may in town. At the end of the message, the rich man stood up and announced, "Pastor, I will contribute $1,000."

Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder. He promptly stood again and shouted, "Pastor, I will increase my donation to $5,000."


Before he could sit back down, plaster fell on him again, and again he virtually screamed, "Pastor, I will double my last pledge."

He sat down, and an larger chunk of plaster fell hitting him on the head. He stood once more and hollered, "Pastor, I will give $20,000!"

This prompted a deacon to shout, "Hit him again, Lord! Hit him again!"




Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6336 on: Sep 28, 2022, 06:09:28 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6337 on: Sep 29, 2022, 04:46:59 AM »


A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.

Well, it was like this, said the man. I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.

We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball........stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake.

"What did you do?" asks the doctor.

Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!"


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6338 on: Sep 29, 2022, 06:24:53 AM »
 ;D ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6339 on: Sep 30, 2022, 04:29:08 AM »


Marge was in bed with a man (not her husband). All of a sudden, they heard a noise downstairs. "Oh, my God, your husband is home! What am I going to do?"
"Just stay in bed with me. He's probably so drunk, he ain't gonna notice you here with me." The fear of getting caught trying to escape was more powerful than the thought of getting caught in bed with Marge, so he trusted her advice. Sure enough, Marge's husband came crawling into bed and as he pulled the covers over him, he pulled the blankets, exposing six feet.
"Honey!" he yelled. "What the hell is going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed!"
"Dear, you're so drunk, you can't count. If you don't believe me, count them again."
The husband got out of bed, and counted. "One, two, three, four... By gosh, you're right, dear!"   


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6340 on: Sep 30, 2022, 07:26:29 PM »
 :D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6341 on: Oct 01, 2022, 04:26:40 AM »


At the urging of his doctor, Bill moved to Texas.
After settling in, he met a neighbor who was also an older man.

“Say, is this really a healthy place?”

“It sure is,” the man replied.

“When I first arrived here I couldn't say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn't have the strength to walk across a room and I had to be lifted out of bed.”

“That's wonderful!” said Bill. “How long have you been here?”

“I was born here.”


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6342 on: Oct 01, 2022, 08:17:46 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6343 on: Oct 02, 2022, 05:04:52 AM »


A daughter asks her mother, “What are character qualities that I should look for in a marriage partner? You know, for someone that I will be spending eternity with."
The mother replied, ”Go ask your father, he did better than I did.”


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6344 on: Oct 02, 2022, 05:16:00 AM »
 ;D


 


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