Comic Relief!!

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God's plan for aging

 
Most seniors never get enough exercise.  In His wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things thus doing more walking.
And God looked down and saw that it was good.
 
Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things requiring them to bend, reach & stretch. And God looked down and saw that it was good.
 
Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise.
God looked down and saw that it was good.
 
So if you find as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember it’s God’s will.  It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath.
 
Nine Important Facts To Remember As We Grow Older

#9   Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

#8   Life is sexually transmitted.

#7   Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

#6   Men have 2 motivations: hunger and hanky-panky, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

#5   Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day.  Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

#4   Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

#3   All of us could take a lesson from the weather.  It pays no attention to criticism.

#2   In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.  Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

#1   Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.

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[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[Green Mountian Hunter]

                                 A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.
                                 When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck,
                                 so they put the meal on the duck's bill.

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A college math professor and his wife are both 60 years old. One evening the wife comes home and finds a note from her husband that says, "My dear, now that you are 60 years old, there are some things you no longer do for me. I am at the Holiday Inn with my 20-year-old student. Don't bother waiting up for me."

He returns home late that night to find a note from his wife: "You, my dear, are also 60 years old and there are also things I need that you're not giving me. So I am at the Motel 6 with one of your 20-year-old students. Being a math professor, I'm sure you know that 20 goes into 60 way more than 60 goes into 20. So, don't you wait up for me."

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[Green Mountian Hunter]

                                                               

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[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

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Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"

[loonyone]

                                                               

hehehehehehehe

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A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says, "Six Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident." The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing, "That's horrible!" Confused, he replies, "Yes Dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved." After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, "How many is a Brazilian?"