Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 758325 times)

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6540 on: Mar 24, 2023, 02:05:20 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6541 on: Mar 24, 2023, 04:17:26 AM »


Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician's office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you..."

"I know, I know." the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy."


"No, that's not it at all." Brenda confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6542 on: Mar 25, 2023, 12:13:48 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6543 on: Mar 26, 2023, 04:56:59 AM »


The preacher's 5-year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why.
"Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages, "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon."
"How come He doesn't answer it?" she asked.


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6544 on: Mar 26, 2023, 05:54:11 AM »
 :)


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6545 on: Mar 27, 2023, 03:45:44 AM »


Jennifer watched as the cashier rang up her purchases. "Cash, check or charge?" she asked, after folding the items Jennifer had bought. As Jennifer fumbled for her wallet, the cashier noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

"Do you always carry your TV remote with you?" the cashier inquired.

"No," she replied. "But my husband, Jeff, refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him."


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6546 on: Mar 27, 2023, 05:28:56 PM »
 :)


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6547 on: Mar 28, 2023, 05:15:22 AM »


Two guys were fishing down by the Ohio River on different sides of the riverbank at night. Guy number one was catching a whole bunch of fish for his family, but guy number two hadn't caught any and was frustrated and called out to guy number one "How come you've been catching all them there fish and I ain't caught a single one?"
Guy number one replied, " I donít know.... why donít ya come on over here?"
"I donít know.... I donít see a bridge, and their aint no boat, and I donít swim to well"
Guy number one picks up his flashlight, turns it on, and replies, " Why donít you walk across this here beam off light?"
Guy number two was outraged and replied "do you think am stupid? When I get half way you'll turn it off!!!"


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6548 on: Mar 29, 2023, 04:28:01 AM »


An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into heaven?"

The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For heaven's sake, Jimmy, either come in or stay out!'"




Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6549 on: Mar 30, 2023, 03:45:08 AM »


One fine day, brave Captain Smith and his crew of sailors were sailing the ocean blue.

Suddenly, on the horizon, there loomed a ship with a skull and crossbones raised on the mast.

The crew was frantic, seeking refuge and asking the captain what to do.

Brave Captain Smith looked at the approaching ship for a moment and said, "Bring me my red shirt."

The call was taken up at once by a cabin boy. As soon as Captain Smith had the shirt in his possession, he ordered the man at the wheel to head straight for the pirate ship.

In the ensuing fight, the pirate ship was all but destroyed.

The sailors were recounting their individual triumphs afterwards when someone asked Captain Smith why he had asked for his red shirt before the battle.

He responded: "If I was wounded, I did not want your confidence to wane. This way, you would keep fighting no matter what happened to me."

The crew had a new found admiration for its captain, and they talked all night about his bravery.

About a week later, there loomed on the horizon 10 pirate ships. Once again, the crew looked to its captain for leadership.

Calmly, Captain Smith said, "Boys, bring me my brown pants!"




Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6550 on: Mar 30, 2023, 05:27:28 PM »
 ;D


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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6551 on: Mar 31, 2023, 03:48:29 AM »


Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband.

"Henry," she said, "I've just received a letter from mother saying she isn't accepting our invitation to come and stay, as we do not appear to want her. What does she mean by that? I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own convenience. You did write, didn't you?"


"Er, yes, I did," said the husband. "But I, I couldn't spell 'convenience,' so I made it 'risk.'"


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6552 on: Mar 31, 2023, 05:57:10 AM »
 :)


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6553 on: Apr 01, 2023, 03:57:29 AM »


A father was reading Bible stories to his young son.

He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city. But his wife looked back and was turned to salt."

His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6554 on: Apr 02, 2023, 04:38:30 AM »


One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their P.J.'s, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers thrown all about the front yard. The door to his wifeís car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess.

A lamp had been knocked over, and a throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, Breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand lay piled up by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and other piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried that she might be ill, or worse!!

He found her lounging into the bedroom, still in her pajamas, reading a novel.

She smiled, looked up at him and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "you know everyday when you come home from work and ask me what in the world did I do today?"

"Yes", he replied reluctantly.

She answered, "We'll, today I didn't do it!!"


 


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