Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 924672 times)

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5745 on: Jul 27, 2021, 06:32:42 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5746 on: Jul 28, 2021, 03:51:51 AM »

A brunette who can't stand blondes is walking in the forest when all of a sudden she sees a magic lamp on the ground. Thinking to herself, "It always works in the movies," and so proceeds to pick up and rub the lamp.
A genie immediately emerges from the spout and says, "I will grant you 3 wishes, but whatever you wish for, all the blondes in the world will receive double the amount you receive. Do you understand?"
"Yes I understand," says the brunette, "and for my first wish, I want you to give my an incredibly handsome man."
"Do you understand that all the blondes in the world will receive 2 incredibly handsome men?" asks the genie.
The brunette replies yes and so an incredibly handsome man pops up beside her.
"For my second wish," says the pleased brunette, "I want you to give me 1 million dollars."
"Do you understand that all the blondes in the world will receive 2 million dollars?" said the genie.
The brunette replies yes and a large pile of money pops up on her other side.
Growing even more excited the brunette says calmly, "Lastly - you see that stick over there? I want you to beat me half to death with it."




Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5747 on: Jul 28, 2021, 06:24:22 AM »
 :D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5748 on: Jul 29, 2021, 04:43:43 AM »


Two old friends met for the first time in several years. They had a good talk and one asked, "Is your wife still as pretty as ever?"
"She sure is," the other replied. "It just takes her longer."


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5749 on: Jul 29, 2021, 05:11:24 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5750 on: Jul 30, 2021, 04:38:50 AM »


As a mother was bribing her little boy with a quarter so he would behave, she said, "Why do I always have to pay you to be good?

Why can't you be good for nothing like your dad?"


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5751 on: Jul 30, 2021, 07:10:30 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5752 on: Jul 31, 2021, 03:59:58 AM »


A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with.
Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter 'penis.'

Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password. She then almost died laughing at the computer's response:

PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH!


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5753 on: Jul 31, 2021, 03:09:34 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5754 on: Aug 01, 2021, 04:59:02 AM »


A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the afternoon with her for $500. They did their thing, and, before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."
On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realizing that the whole event had not been worth the price. So he had his
secretary send a check for $250 and enclose the following typed note:
"Dear Madam:
Enclosed find a check for $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the place, I was under the impression that:
1 - it had never been occupied;
2 - there was plenty of heat; and
3 - it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.
However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large."
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250 with the following note:
"Dear Sir:
First, I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.
Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the management.
Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady."



Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5755 on: Aug 01, 2021, 05:02:03 AM »
 ;D p


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5756 on: Aug 02, 2021, 04:15:48 AM »


An old man went to the college that he went to when he was a youth. He knocked on room number 3 of the hostel and said:
"May I come in. I lived in this very room thirty years ago when I studied in this college".
A young man opened the door and let him in.
The old man examined the room, fondly remembering everything.
He said, "The same old room, the same old wooden table, the ventilator and the same old window that opens to the garden. And the same old bed."
When examining it he found a young girl under the bed.
The young man got alarmed and said, "Don't mistake me. She is my sister. She dropped her ear ring and is searching for it."
The old man said, "And the same old story..."

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5757 on: Aug 02, 2021, 12:33:17 PM »
 :D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5758 on: Aug 03, 2021, 03:42:19 AM »


A couple of drinking buddies who are airplane mechanics are in a hangar at JFK New York. It's fogged in and they have nothing to do.

One of them says to the other, "Man, have you got anything to drink?"

The other one says, "Nah, but I hear you can drink jet fuel, and it will kinda give you a buzz."

So they do drink it, get smashed and have a great time, like only drinking buddies can.

The following morning, one of the men wakes up and he just knows his head will explode if he gets up, but it doesn't. He gets up and feels good. In fact, he feels great! No hangover!

The phone rings. It's his buddy. The buddy says, "Hey, how do you feel?"

"Great", he said! "Just great"! The buddy says, "Yeah, I feel great too, and no hangover. That jet fuel stuff is great. We should do this more often!

"Yeah, we could, but there's just one thing . . . "

"What's that?"

"Did you fart yet?"

"No . . . "

"Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in Phoenix."



Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5759 on: Aug 03, 2021, 06:30:48 AM »
 ;D


 


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