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« Last post by 30-30 on Feb 04, 2024, 05:17:01 AM »
A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along when, all of a sudden, a cat attacks them. The mother mouse goes, "BARK!!" and the cat runs away.
"See?" says the mother mouse to her baby, "how important it is for you to learn a foreign language?"
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« Last post by 30-30 on Feb 03, 2024, 05:04:35 AM »
The three wise men are out for a stroll when they come across a stable. The three of them decide to duck inside.
On the way in one of the wise men hits his head on the low entranceway.
"Jesus Christ!" he says.
Joseph says, "Quick, Mary, write that down! It's a hell of a lot better than Clyde!"
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« Last post by 30-30 on Feb 02, 2024, 04:27:49 AM »
A dozen thoughts
1. Part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer's history when you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times when I was younger that I didn't want to nap.
4. Why isn't there a sarcasm font? I really need one!
5. Why doesn't Map Quest start their directions on #5? I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my own neighborhood ...
6. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
7. Bad decisions make good stories.
8. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
9. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu- Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection ... again.
10. I hate it when I miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? D@mmit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and then goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
11. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then don't seeing anyone I'd like to impress the entire day. What a waste!
12. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night, more kisses begin with a Budweiser than Kay.
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« Last post by 30-30 on Feb 01, 2024, 04:17:15 AM »
Frustrated, the teen storms into his sister's bedroom. "Why are adults are always asking us what we want to be when we grow up?"
Without hesitation the sister replies, "It's because they’re looking for ideas.”
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« Last post by 30-30 on Jan 31, 2024, 04:22:17 AM »
A man and his wife were celebrating their 50th anniversary, so he bought her a $100 see-through nightie.
That night, she was getting ready for bed and realized the nightie was still in its box downstairs.
Walking naked through the house, she passed her husband who said: "Jesus, for $100 they could've at least ironed it!"
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« Last post by 30-30 on Jan 30, 2024, 04:06:24 AM »
After 40 years of marriage, the wife had not received a gift for Xmas, birthday, or anniversary since the first Xmas. So she drug her husband to the counselor.
After explaining all of this to the counselor, she looked at her husband with tears in her eyes and asked, "Why do you treat me this way?"
The husband said, "I am a very practical man, so when you use the first present I got you, I'll get you another."
The counselor asked, "What did he get you?"
The wife bowed her head and whispered, "A cemetery plot."
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« Last post by 30-30 on Jan 29, 2024, 04:31:02 AM »
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a formal party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."
"And why not, Darling?"
"You know that it always gives you a headache next morning."
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« Last post by 30-30 on Jan 28, 2024, 04:28:31 AM »
Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things.
"Mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?" he asked his mother.
"He thinks a lot," replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness.
Johnny thought for a second and said, "I'm glad you don't do any thinking. You would look silly without hair."
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