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71
General Hunting Discussion / Re: Comic Relief!!
« Last post by 30-30 on Jan 17, 2024, 04:59:36 AM »


A first-time father was taking a turn at feeding the baby some strained peas. Naturally, there were traces of the food everywhere, especially on the infant.
His wife comes in, looks at the infant, then at her husband staring into space, then says, "What in the world are you doing?"
He replied, "I'm waiting for the first coat to dry, so I can put on another."

72
General Hunting Discussion / Re: Comic Relief!!
« Last post by 30-30 on Jan 16, 2024, 06:19:45 AM »


Oh God," sighed the wife one morning, "I'm convinced my mind is almost completely gone!"

Her husband looked up from the newspaper and commented, "I'm not surprised: You've been giving me a piece of it every day for twenty years!"

73
General Hunting Discussion / Re: Comic Relief!!
« Last post by 30-30 on Jan 15, 2024, 04:05:46 AM »


10 Commandments of Marriage
Commandment 1.
Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.
Commandment 2.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3.
Marriage is grand — and divorce is at least 100 grand!


Commandment 4.
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Commandment 5.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish talking.

Commandment 8.
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.


Commandment 9.
Every woman wants a man who is handsome, understanding, economical and a considerate lover, but again, the law allows only one husband.

Commandment 10.
Man is incomplete until he marries. After that, he is finished.


74
General Hunting Discussion / Re: Comic Relief!!
« Last post by Green Mountian Hunter on Jan 15, 2024, 03:44:10 AM »
 ;D
75
General Hunting Discussion / Re: Comic Relief!!
« Last post by 30-30 on Jan 14, 2024, 04:40:35 AM »


Young Son: "Is it true, Dad? I heard that in some parts of the world a man doesn’t know
his wife until he marries her”
Dad: That happens in every country, son


76
General Hunting Discussion / Re: Comic Relief!!
« Last post by 30-30 on Jan 12, 2024, 04:03:52 AM »


Bill Clinton, Al Gore and George W. Bush died and found themselves standing on the other side of the Jordan River looking across at the Promised Land.

The Archangel Michael was standing on the other side and shouted over to the three surprised Americans, "Contrary to what you have been taught, each of you will have to wade across the Jordan River."


As Michael saw their perplexed looks, he assured them by saying, "Don't worry. You will sink only proportionally, according to your sins on earth. The more you have sinned, the more you will sink into the water."

The three American sages of political lore looked at one another, trying to determine who would be the first brave soul to cross the Jordan River.

Finally, George W. Bush volunteered to go first. Slowly he began to wade out into the river, and slowly the water began to get higher and higher, reaching to his waist. George began to sweat, thinking of all his sins that were coming back to haunt him. He was beginning to wonder if he would ever see the other side. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he began to emerge on the river's bank.

As he ascended to the other side, he looked behind him to see which one of the other brave souls was going next. A shock of surprise registered on his face, as he saw Al Gore almost in the middle of the river, and the water was only up to his ankles.


He turned to Michael and exclaimed, "I know Al Gore. Al Gore is a friend of mine, and he has sinned much, much more than that!"

Before the Archangel Michael could reply, Al Gore shouted back, "I'm standing on Clinton's shoulders!"



77
General Hunting Discussion / Re: Comic Relief!!
« Last post by 30-30 on Jan 11, 2024, 04:09:44 AM »


Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest.

The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time. Then, halfway through the lecture, he began. "They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France." The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door.


"Young ladies," said the professor with a broad smile, "the next plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon."
78
Hunting New York / Sportsman Show
« Last post by Raquettedacker on Jan 10, 2024, 04:03:29 PM »


79
General Hunting Discussion / Re: Comic Relief!!
« Last post by 30-30 on Jan 10, 2024, 03:54:19 AM »


A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.

A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"

She says, "Why, officer?"

"Because your breast is hanging out."

She looks down and says, "OH MY GOODNESS! I left the baby on the bus again!"
80
General Hunting Discussion / Re: Comic Relief!!
« Last post by 30-30 on Jan 09, 2024, 03:36:22 AM »


You may not know that many nonliving things have a gender.

For example...



1) Ziploc Bags-
They are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
2) Copiers-
They are Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
3) Tire-
Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.
4) Hot Air Balloon-
Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.
5) Sponges-
Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.
6) Web Page-
Female, because it's always getting hit on.
7) Subway-
Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
8) Hourglass-
Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
9) Hammer-
Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
10) Remote Control-
Female...... Ha! You thought it'd be male. But consider this-it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying.

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