Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 912296 times)

Offline stka

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1485 on: May 22, 2014, 12:18:41 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1486 on: May 22, 2014, 01:01:12 PM »

A red neck walks into a hardware store and asks for a chain saw that will cut 6 trees in one hour. The salesman recommends the top of the line model. The red neck is suitably impressed, and buys it. The next day he brings it back and says, "This chainsaw is defective. It would only cut down 1 tree and it took ALL DAMN DAY!" The salesman takes the chain saw, starts it up to see what's wrong, and the red neck asks, "What's that noise?


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1487 on: May 23, 2014, 03:26:38 PM »


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1488 on: May 24, 2014, 03:33:51 PM »
A man passed away and went to Heaven. Upon arriving at the
 pearly gates, St. Peter said, "Come on in. I'll show you around.
 I really think you'll like it here." Walking through the gates,
 the man noticed that there were clocks everywhere. It appeared
 that Heaven was nothing more than a giant clock warehouse.
 
 Surprised at how Heaven looked, the man asked St. Peter, "What's
 the deal with all the clocks?"

 St. Peter replied, "They keep track of everybody on earth.
 There is one clock for each person. Every time someone tells a lie,
 his clock moves forward one minute. For instance, this clock belongs to
 Sam, a used car salesman. If you watch it closely, it will move any
 second." Click. The minute hand on Sam's clock moved forward one
 minute. Click. It moved forward another minute. "Sam must be closing on
 a deal right now," said St. Peter. "The minute hand on his clock moves
 all day long."

 The man and St. Peter continued walking and soon came across a
 clock covered with cobwebs. "Whose clock is this?" asked the man.
 
 "That clock belongs to the Widow Mary. She is one of the finest
 persons on earth. I bet her clock hasn't moved in a year or two."

 They continued walking and touring Heaven. The man enjoyed watching
 the clocks of all his friends. When the tour was finally finished, the man
 said, "I've seen everyone's clock but one. Where is President Obama's
 kept?" St. Peter smiled and said, "Look up there. We use his for a
 ceiling fan."
« Last Edit: May 25, 2014, 05:55:02 AM by 30-30 »

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1489 on: May 24, 2014, 05:54:34 PM »
 ;D ;D


Offline BowHunterDan

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1490 on: May 24, 2014, 06:01:45 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D! Shouldn't that be Obama's clock by now? ;)
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Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1491 on: May 25, 2014, 05:56:12 AM »
;D ;D ;D! Shouldn't that be Obama's clock by now? ;)
            Dan, it's a done deal. Reread it. ;)

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1492 on: May 25, 2014, 06:11:33 AM »
A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, “This is your lucky night. I've got a special game for you. I'll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey, why not?” He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: “Paint my house.”

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1493 on: May 25, 2014, 06:14:06 AM »
 ;D


Offline BowHunterDan

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1494 on: May 25, 2014, 07:46:12 AM »
            Dan, it's a done deal. Reread it. ;)
;D ;D ;D!
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Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1495 on: May 26, 2014, 05:48:02 AM »

A Jewish guy goes into a confession box. “Father O'Malley,” he says, “my name is Emil Cohen. I'm seventy eight years old. Believe it or not, I'm currently involved with a 28 year old girl, and also, on the side, her 19 year old sister. We engage in all manner of pleasure, and in my entire life I've never felt better.” “My good man,” says the priest, “I think you've come to the wrong place. Why are you telling me?” And the guy goes: “I'm telling everybody!”

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1496 on: May 26, 2014, 06:21:14 AM »
 ;D ;D


Offline hesseltine32

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1497 on: May 26, 2014, 08:29:29 AM »
Haha nice one Jeff

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1498 on: May 26, 2014, 08:56:13 AM »

 Little boy: Mommy, how I born, was I downloaded.
            Mother:    No you wen't downloaded, go ask your father.

            A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'

The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!  Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.  Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.  We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other.  There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.  As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared. 
« Last Edit: May 26, 2014, 08:59:01 AM by 30-30 »

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #1499 on: May 26, 2014, 12:05:21 PM »
 ;D ;D


 


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