Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 914282 times)

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5715 on: Jul 06, 2021, 04:43:20 AM »


That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar.
"How do you know?" the friend asked.
"She didn't come home last night and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she had spent the night with her sister, Shirley."
"So?"
"So she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister, Shirley."


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5716 on: Jul 06, 2021, 06:22:28 AM »
 :D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5717 on: Jul 07, 2021, 03:55:11 AM »


The American tourist stood staring at the highland sentry standing guard outside Edinburgh Castle.

After a few minutes she went up to the sentry and asked 'I've always wanted to find out what's worn under the kilt'.

The sentry replied: 'There is nothing worn, Ma'am, its all in perfect working order'.

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5718 on: Jul 07, 2021, 07:48:36 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5719 on: Jul 08, 2021, 04:02:27 AM »


             My wife asked me why I  choose to be cremated when writing out my will.           
              Being cremated is my last chance to have a smoking hot body!




Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5720 on: Jul 08, 2021, 05:22:34 AM »
 :)


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5721 on: Jul 09, 2021, 04:06:39 AM »


An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket girl said, "Sir, what is that on your shoulder?"
The old farmer said, "That is my pet rooster, Chuckie. Wherever I go, Chuckie goes."



"I'm sorry, Sir," said the ticket girl, "We can't allow animals in the theater. Not even a pet chicken."

The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the chicken down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old emergency room nurses named Mildred and Marge.

The movie started and the chicken began to squirm. The old farmer un-zipped his pants so Chuckie could stick his head out and watch the movie.

"Marge," whispered Mildred.

"What?" said Marge.

"I think the guy next to me is a pervert."

"What makes you think so?" asked Marge.

"He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out," whispered Mildred.

"Well, don't worry about it," said Marge, "At our age it isn't anything we haven't seen before."

"Yes," said Mildred, "But this one's eating my popcorn!"



Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5722 on: Jul 09, 2021, 05:57:03 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5723 on: Jul 10, 2021, 04:18:44 AM »

The marriage between the elderly farmer and his young wife was not working out too well, so the farmer consulted his doctor for advice. "The next time you're down in the field plowing and feel a yearning for your wife don't wait until lunch time or the end of the day, but quit what you're doing and go to the house," said the doctor.
"I tried that," said the farmer, "But by the time I get to the house, I am so tuckered out, it's no use."
The doctor thought for a minute, "Take your shotgun with you when you leave the house in the morning and if you feel the urge, shoot the gun and she will come down there where you are."
A few weeks later the two men met on the street.
"How did it work out?" asked the doctor.
"Fine, the first three days," said the farmer, "But then hunting season opened and I haven't seen her since."


  ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A minister who was very fond of pure, hot horseradish always kept a bottle of it on his dining room table. Once, at dinner, he offered some to a guest, who took a big spoonful. The guest let out a huge gasp. When he was finally able to speak, he choked out, "I've heard many ministers preach hellfire, but you are the first one I've met who passes out a sample of it."

« Last Edit: Jul 10, 2021, 04:20:29 AM by 30-30 »

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5724 on: Jul 10, 2021, 07:03:34 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5725 on: Jul 11, 2021, 04:46:06 AM »


After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.
When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died."
"Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5726 on: Jul 11, 2021, 07:36:11 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5727 on: Jul 13, 2021, 04:26:05 AM »


A new preacher wanted to rent a house in the country but the only one available was rumored to be haunted. That didn’t bother the preacher since he didn’t believe in such things. He went ahead and rented the place. Soon the ghost made its appearance. The preacher told his friends about the ghost, but they didn’t believe him. They told him the only way they would believe was if he took a picture of the ghost. The preacher went home and called for the ghost. When it appeared, the preacher explained the situation and asked the ghost if it would mind having its picture taken. The ghost agreed. When the picture was developed, the ghost wasn’t visible. Feeling disappointed, the preacher called again for the ghost. When it appeared, the preacher showed it the picture and wanted to know why the ghost wasn’t in it. The ghost thought a minute and replied, “Well, I guess the spirit was willing, but the flash was weak.”


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5728 on: Jul 14, 2021, 04:44:43 AM »


Every time the man next door headed toward Robinson's house, Robinson knew he was coming to borrow something. "He won't get away with it this time," muttered Robinson to his wife. "Watch this."
"Er, I wonder if you'd be using your power-saw this morning," the neighbor began.
"Gee, I'm awfully sorry," said Robinson with a smug look, "but the fact of the matter is, I'll be using it all day."
"In that case," said the neighbor, "you won't be using your golf clubs, mind if I borrow them?"



Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5729 on: Jul 14, 2021, 06:07:53 AM »
 ;D


 


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