Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 644002 times)

Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 6,254
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5910 on: Nov 15, 2021, 04:25:59 AM »


A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night asks his mother, "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?"
The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows the town that your bride is pure."
The son thanks his mom, and then seeks his father opinion, "Dad, why are wedding dresses white?"

The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances come in white."     




Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 6,254
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5911 on: Nov 16, 2021, 03:48:45 AM »


A government social worker was visiting the Indian reservation for the first time.
A woman was yelling at an old Indian man. The man looked like he could use some help. The social worker walked over and broke up the disturbance by pulling the man aside.
"Hey, that lady sure hates you."
"She no lady. She my wife."
"You don't say. What's her name?"
"Wife name 'Three Horse'."
The social worker smiled. "Now that's a strange name. Three Horse. Yep, that sure is a strange name. How did she get a name like that?"
"Nag nag nag."


Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 6,254
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5912 on: Nov 17, 2021, 04:23:23 AM »


Two boys from the mountains, Leroy and Jasper have been promoted from privates to sergeants.

Not long after, they're out for a walk and Leroys says, "Hey, Jasper, there's the NCO Club. Let's you and me stop in."

"But we's privates," protests Jasper. "We's sergeants now," says Leroy, pulling him inside.

"Now, Jasper, I'm a-gonna sit down and have me a drink."

"But we's privates," says Jasper.

"You blind, boy?" asks Leroy, pointing at his stripes. "We's sergeants now."

So they have their drink, and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Leroy. "You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to date you, but I've got a bad case of gonorrhoea."

Leroy pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Jasper, go look in the dictionary and see what gonorrhoea means. If it's okay, give me the okay sign."

So Jasper goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Leroy the big okay sign.

Three weeks later Leroy is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhoea.

"Jasper," he says, "what fo' you give me the okay?"

"Well, Leroy, in the dictionary, it say gonorrhoea affects only the privates." He points to his stripes. "But we's sergeants now!"



Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 6,254
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5913 on: Nov 18, 2021, 04:50:05 AM »


One day, a bear walks into a bar. He sits down at the counter, and the bartender comes over.
"What'll it be?" asks the bartender.
"I'll have a..................................... beer," the bear says.
"Alright, one beer for the bear. But I gotta ask, why the big pause?" asks the bartender.
"I don't know," says the bear. "I was born with them."

Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 6,254
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5914 on: Nov 19, 2021, 03:39:32 AM »


A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed.
After years of this the wife wants him to quit, so she gets 2 shot glasses, filling 1 with water the other with whiskey.

She gets him to the table with the glasses and has his bait box there too.

She says "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water it swims around. She puts a worm in the whiskey and the worm dies.

She says "so what do you have to say about this experiment?"

He says "IF I DRINK WHISKEY I WON'T GET WORMS!"


Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 6,254
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5915 on: Nov 20, 2021, 04:09:13 AM »


There was a beautiful young blonde at a soda machine in Vegas, and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst.
She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a short while, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke. She placed it on a counter next to the machine.
Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change.
She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew. She placed them both on the counter next to the Diet Coke.
As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man, who'd been waiting patiently for several minutes by then, spoke up. "Excuse me, miss, but are you done yet?"
She looked at him and indignantly asked, "Well Duh! Can't you see I'm still winning?"


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 8,821
  • FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5916 on: Nov 20, 2021, 05:34:08 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 6,254
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5917 on: Nov 22, 2021, 04:31:57 AM »


Two vampire bats are hanging upside down in a cave. One of the bats feels rather hungry. "Let's go and find some blood", he suggests.

"I don't think you can get any blood this time of the day", says the other bat. "Well, I want some blood and I want it now!", says the first bat and prepares to take off. "Are you coming or what?"

"Don't be stupid, you'll just waste your time", says the second bat. So the first bat flies anyway. After a few minutes he is back with blood smeared all over his face.

"Where did you manage to find blood this time of the day?", asks the second bat. "Well, do you see that tree out there?", says the first bat and points at a tree outside the cave, "Do you see that tree?"

"Yes", says the second bat, "of course I see it".

"Well, I didn't", replies the first.




Offline Green Mountian Hunter

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 8,821
  • FREE DROBS !!!!
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5918 on: Nov 22, 2021, 10:41:31 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 6,254
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5919 on: Nov 23, 2021, 04:47:09 AM »

Boy Scouts from the city were on a camping trip. The mosquitoes were so fierce, the boys had to hide under their blankets to avoid being bitten. Then one of them saw some lightning bugs and said to his friend,

"We might as well give up. They are coming after us with flashlights."



Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 6,254
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5920 on: Nov 24, 2021, 03:53:59 AM »


The middle aged man was visibly shaken when his Doctor advised that he had only 6 month's to live because of the terminal disease that was detected during a recent physical check-up. The Doctor suggested that he should get his "house in order", make sure his Will was current and ensure all final arrangements were in place for the funeral. He should then make plans to enjoy what might be left of his life, to the fullest.

"What will you do for the last six months?" asked the Doctor.

His patient thought for a few minutes then replied, "I think I'll go and live with my Mother-in-law".

Surprised by the answer, the Doctor asked, "Of all people, why in the would you want to live with your Mother-in-law?"

"Because it'll be the longest six months of my Life!"


Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 6,254
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5921 on: Nov 25, 2021, 03:39:20 AM »


Q: What's the difference between Election Day and Thanksgiving?
A: On Thanksgiving, you get a turkey for the day. On Election Day, you get a turkey for four years.




Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 6,254
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5922 on: Nov 26, 2021, 03:46:15 AM »


A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.
The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?"
"Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man.
"Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied.
The officer grinned and added, "Did you ever catch all the fish?"


Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 6,254
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5923 on: Nov 27, 2021, 03:09:55 AM »


Two guys sat down for lunch in the office cafeteria.
"Hey, whatever happened to Pete in payroll?" one asked.
"He got this harebrained notion he was going to build a new kind of car," his co-worker replied.
"How was he going to do it?"
"He took an engine from a Pontiac, tires from a Chevy, seats from a Lincoln, hubcaps from a Caddy and, well, you get the idea."
"So what did he end up with?"
"Ten years in prison."


Offline 30-30

  • 30 Point Buck
  • ********
  • Posts: 6,254
  • Hunt America
Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5924 on: Nov 28, 2021, 03:12:58 AM »


A little boy wanted $100.00 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. the President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. President Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read: Dear GOD, Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those jerks deducted $95.00.


 


SimplePortal 2.3.7 © 2008-2021, SimplePortal