Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 737727 times)

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6300 on: Aug 28, 2022, 05:32:13 AM »

Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The owner became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!"

The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.





Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6301 on: Aug 28, 2022, 04:17:56 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6302 on: Aug 30, 2022, 04:24:18 AM »


I bought a plunger the other day. You ever bought a plunger? Its an embarrassing purchase. At first, you think its no big deal. Stand in the line, swinging it. And then you realize everybody knows; you got a situation at home. Nobody buys a plunger on a whim.


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6303 on: Aug 30, 2022, 04:56:15 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6304 on: Sep 01, 2022, 05:00:45 AM »


A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
"Hurry!" she said. "Stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."
"What's this honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh, its just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."
No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smith's for three days and nobody offered me so much as a glass of water".


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6305 on: Sep 01, 2022, 06:07:21 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6306 on: Sep 02, 2022, 04:22:41 AM »


Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. In heaven, they found God sitting on the great, white throne. He addressed Al first. "Al, what do you believe in? "Al replied, "Well, I believe I won the election in 2000, but it was your will that I did not serve. I've come to understand that now. "God thought for a second and said, "Very good. Come and sit at my left. "God then addressed Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?" Bill replied, "I believe in forgiveness. I've sinned, but I've never held a grudge against my fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held against me. "Again, God thought for a second and then said, "You are forgiven, my son. Come and sit at my right. "God then turned to Hillary and asked, "Hillary, what do you believe in? "She replied, "I believe you're sitting in my chair."-


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6307 on: Sep 03, 2022, 04:19:44 AM »



A tom cat and a tabby cat were courting on a back fence at night.

The tom leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and purred... "I'll die for you"


The tabby gazed at him from under lowered eye lids and asked, "How many times?".

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6308 on: Sep 03, 2022, 04:38:32 AM »
 :D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6309 on: Sep 05, 2022, 05:04:45 AM »


An insurance agent's wife was learning to drive when the brakes failed. "What should I do?" she cried. "Brace yourself, and try to hit something cheap."


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6310 on: Sep 05, 2022, 05:06:16 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6311 on: Sep 06, 2022, 03:30:06 AM »


Two life-long friends were enjoying a few pints down at the local bar, when one said to the other: "If I ask you a question, will you promise to answer me honestly?"
"Yeah, sure thing," replied his friend, "fire away."

"Well," said the first guy, "why do you think all the guys around here find my wife so attractive?"

"It's probably because of her speech impediment," replied the second guy.

"What do you mean her speech impediment?"

inquired the first fellow.

"My wife doesn't have a speech impediment!"

"Well," replied his friend, "you must be the only guy who hasn't noticed that she can't say 'NO'!!"


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6312 on: Sep 06, 2022, 05:43:50 AM »
 ;D
« Last Edit: Sep 06, 2022, 05:44:34 AM by Green Mountian Hunter »


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6313 on: Sep 07, 2022, 03:45:46 AM »


A man came home from an exhausting day at work, plopped down on the couch in front of the television, and told his wife: "Get me a beer before it starts!"

The wife sighed and got him a beer.

Ten minutes later, he said: "Get me another beer before it starts!"

She looked cross, but fetched another beer and slammed it down next to him. He finished that beer and a few minutes later said: "Quick, get me another beer, it's going to start any minute!"


The wife was furious. "Is that all you're going to do tonight! Drink beer and sit in front of that TV! You're nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob and furthermore..."

The man sighed and said: "It's started."

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6314 on: Sep 07, 2022, 06:18:41 AM »
 ;D


 


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