Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 737737 times)

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6285 on: Aug 16, 2022, 05:19:56 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6286 on: Aug 17, 2022, 03:51:41 AM »


A man was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the life imprisonment. His brother found out that an Irish man was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the Irish man that he would be paid 10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.
The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.


After the trial, the brother went to the Irish man's house, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the 10,000.
The Irish man replied, "It wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all wanted to let him off."

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6287 on: Aug 17, 2022, 08:35:00 PM »
 :D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6288 on: Aug 18, 2022, 03:28:15 AM »


An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'

The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night? 




Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6289 on: Aug 19, 2022, 03:47:14 AM »


A group of four-year-olds were being questioned by their teacher in a Sunday School class. Looking across at those bright little faces, the teacher asked this question: "Does anyone know what today is?" A little girl held up her hand and said, "Yes, today is Palm Sunday." "That's fantastic!" the teacher said. "Now does anyone know what next Sunday is?" The same little girl lifted her hand. "Yes," she said, "next Sunday is Easter Sunday. "The teacher was all smiles. "Oh, very good. Now...does anyone know what makes next Sunday Easter? "On a roll the same little girl responded, "Yes, next Sunday is Easter because Jesus rose from the grave." Before the impressed teacher could congratulate her, however, the girl added, "but if He sees His shadow, He has to go back in for seven weeks."-


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6290 on: Aug 19, 2022, 05:00:50 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6291 on: Aug 20, 2022, 03:57:35 AM »


Little Johnny was caught swearing by his teacher.

"Johnny," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear such talk, anyway?"

"My daddy said it," he responded.

"Well, that doesn't matter," explained the teacher. "You don't even know what it means."

"I do, too!" Little Johnny retorted. "It means the car won't start."


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6292 on: Aug 20, 2022, 06:44:23 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6293 on: Aug 21, 2022, 04:03:16 AM »


Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry."

"Hans Olaffsen?", he muses. "How the heck does that fit in here?"


So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter.

The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?"

The old man answers, "Is name of owner."

The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?"

"Me, is right here," replies the old man.

"You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?"

"Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, "What your name?" He say, "Hans Olaffsen." Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?'"

"I say, Sem Ting."




Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6294 on: Aug 21, 2022, 04:48:26 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6295 on: Aug 23, 2022, 03:50:09 AM »

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises his/her hand. The teacher says "See it's long neck? What animal has a long neck?"
Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe.
"Very good Sally," the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a zebra. None of the students holds up his/her hands. "See the stripes on this animal? What animal has stripes?"
Billy holds up his hand and says it is a zebra. "Very good Billy," the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students recognized the animal.
"See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?"
Still no one guesses. "Let me give you another hint, it's something your mother calls your father."
Johnny shouts out "I know what it is, it's a horny bastard."


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6296 on: Aug 23, 2022, 04:13:46 AM »
 ;D
« Last Edit: Aug 23, 2022, 04:15:36 AM by Green Mountian Hunter »


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6297 on: Aug 24, 2022, 04:43:33 AM »


Harry had been feeling sick lately and was finally convinced to see the Doctor after his wife Suzy's urging.
After a thorough examination, and much thought, the Doctor was ready to tell Harry and a very worried Suzy, his prognosis: Harry was too stressed out. He would need 6 months of pure relaxation.
Suzy, very agitated, took out her notepad to begin writing down his list of orders for these months of relaxation.
"How should I go about it?" asked Harry.
"OK," said the doctor, "I would like your wife to take one tranquilizer four times a day..."


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6298 on: Aug 25, 2022, 05:19:59 AM »
 :D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6299 on: Aug 27, 2022, 05:12:08 AM »


A witch was flying her broom along when she noticed that all the other witches were flying on vacuum cleaners.
She thought, "Am I the only one still driving a stick?"


 


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