Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 720443 times)

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6240 on: Jul 14, 2022, 12:18:54 PM »
 :D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6241 on: Jul 16, 2022, 04:04:56 AM »


A young woman was having a physical examination and was embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. "I'm so ashamed, Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go."
The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad."
"Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked.
The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."   


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6242 on: Jul 16, 2022, 04:37:21 AM »
 :D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6243 on: Jul 17, 2022, 04:17:18 AM »


An interim school superintendent, speaking at a city-wide PTA luncheon, assured members that he was always happy to hear from them about problems. He told them, "You can call me day or night, at this number . . ."
Suddenly there was a cry from the assistant superintendent. "Hey," he exclaimed, "that's MY number!"


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6244 on: Jul 17, 2022, 08:35:13 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6245 on: Jul 19, 2022, 04:33:20 AM »


Mary Clancy goes up to Father McGuire after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? "
She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun.' "


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6246 on: Jul 19, 2022, 05:16:35 AM »
 :D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6247 on: Jul 20, 2022, 03:26:51 AM »


A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.

He goes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling.



"WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HORSE?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered.

"ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHER BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINNISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS! AND I DON'T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse is back! He saddles-up and starts to ride out of town. The bartender wanders out of the bar and asks, "Say partner, before you go...what happened in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."



Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6248 on: Jul 21, 2022, 04:47:51 AM »


Husband and wife were having a discussion about their in-laws. The wife declares that she "hates" her in-laws.
The husband replies, "I like your mother-in-law more than I like mine!"


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6249 on: Jul 21, 2022, 05:14:53 AM »
  ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6250 on: Jul 22, 2022, 05:06:59 AM »


Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park. Johnny asked, "Grandpa are you going to take that new Viagra?"
Grandpa looks at him and says, "No Johnny, I will not."
"But Grandpa, why?" asks little Johnny.
Grandpa replies, "Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you have no one to write to." 




Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6251 on: Jul 24, 2022, 04:40:35 AM »


The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."

"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."

"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6252 on: Jul 25, 2022, 04:07:53 AM »


There were two blondes who went deep into the frozen woods searching for a Christmas tree.
After hours of subzero temperatures and a few close calls with hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and said, "I'm chopping down the next tree I see. I don't care whether it's decorated or not!"


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6253 on: Jul 25, 2022, 11:59:27 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6254 on: Jul 26, 2022, 03:54:21 AM »


A Secret Service agent is standing at the bottom of the stairs as President Clinton is leaving Air Force One, and can't help but notice that the President has a pig under each arm.

The Agent salutes and says, "Welcome back, Mr. President. Nice pigs, sir."



Clinton smiles and says, "These aren't pigs. These are genuine Arkansas Razorbacks. I got this one for Hillary, and I got this one for Chelsea."

The Agent says, "Good trade, sir."


 


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