Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 914363 times)

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6195 on: Jun 12, 2022, 04:30:04 AM »


Before celebrating a baptism, the deacon approached the young father and said solemnly, “Baptism is a serious step. Are you sure you’re prepared for it? ”“I think so,” the man replied. “My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming to provide plenty of cookies and cakes for our guests. ”“I don’t mean that,” the deacon replied. “I mean, are you prepared spiritually?”“ Oh sure,” came the reply. “I’ve got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey.”


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6196 on: Jun 12, 2022, 02:50:43 PM »
 :D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6197 on: Jun 13, 2022, 04:33:28 AM »


So I walked into a this bar and heard two girls speaking in what sounded like a lovely Scottish accent. I said: So, are you two girls from Scotland?

One of them said: "Wales Idiot!"

So I said: "Oh, I am terribly sorry about that. So, are you two Whales from Scotland?"

That's the last thing I remember.


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6198 on: Jun 13, 2022, 05:00:49 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6199 on: Jun 14, 2022, 03:33:26 AM »


Joe is at the Pearly Gates waiting to be admitted while St. Peter is leafing through his files to see if Joe is worthy of entry.

"Joe," says St. Pete, "I can't see that you've done anything really bad in your life but I can't see that you've done anything really good that would qualify you for Heaven. Can you tell me ANY good deed you've ever done?"
Joe thinks for a moment and says "Sure. I was driving through a bad part of town when I saw about 50 biker guys assaulting this poor girl. I slammed on my brakes, grabbed a tire iron, and walked up to this big guy who seemed to be the leader. All these guys let the girl run away and they formed a circle around me to see what I was gonna do. I laid that tire iron right across his head and he dropped like a stone. Then I turned and yelled to the rest of them "If I ever see you guys around this town again, I'll give you a real lesson in pain."

"Wow" says St. Peter, "I guess you really do qualify for Heaven. Tell me, when did this happen?"

"Oh", says Joe, "about two minutes ago."




Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6200 on: Jun 14, 2022, 05:15:22 AM »
 :D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6201 on: Jun 15, 2022, 04:28:52 AM »


A friend asked a gentleman how it is that he never married ?

Replied the gentleman, "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman ... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl."

"Oh, come on now," said the friend, "Surely you have met at least on girl that you wanted to marry."

"Yes, there was one girl .. once. I guess she was the one perfect girl .. the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything .. I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me."

"Well, why didn't you marry her," asked the friend.

"She was looking for the perfect man," he said.


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6202 on: Jun 15, 2022, 02:40:36 PM »
 :D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6203 on: Jun 16, 2022, 04:30:50 AM »


"And will there be anything else, sir ?" the bellboy asked after setting out an elaborate dinner for two.

"No thank you." the gentleman replied. "That will be all."

As the young man turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful satin negligee on the bed. "Anything for your wife ?" he asked.

"Yeah ! That's a good idea." the fellow said. "Please bring up a postcard."

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6204 on: Jun 17, 2022, 04:25:34 AM »


A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.

"Are you crazy?" yelled the customer, "with your hand on my steak?"

"What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor again?"


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6205 on: Jun 17, 2022, 06:25:48 AM »
  :)


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6206 on: Jun 18, 2022, 03:48:31 AM »


A man called to testify at the Internal Revenue Service (IRS), asked his accountant for advice on what to wear.
"Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper," the accountant replied.

Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie."
Confused, the man went to his Priest, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma. "Let me tell you a story," replied the Priest.
"A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel."

The man protested: "What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?!"
"Simple", replied the Priest...
"It doesn't matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed!"



Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6207 on: Jun 18, 2022, 06:00:05 AM »
 ;D j


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6208 on: Jun 19, 2022, 05:15:16 AM »


The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"

Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO, and the Cartoon Network!"


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6209 on: Jun 20, 2022, 12:08:04 PM »
 ;D hi


 


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