Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 913079 times)

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5520 on: Feb 22, 2021, 05:05:59 AM »


A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower, and realized that his clothes were missing. While searching around for them, he accidentally locked himself out of the locker room, and he found himself completely naked in the halls of the world's most powerful military organization HQ. But, luckily, no one was around to see him.
So, he ran as fast as he could to the elevator. When it arrived, it was empty. He breathed a sigh of relief and got in. When the doors opened on his floor, there was no one waiting outside. "This must be my lucky day," he said to himself. He was now only a few yards from his office.
Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming from around the corner. He heard the General's voice. There was no way he'd make it to his door in time, so he ducked into the closest office available, and found himself in the laboratory for Research & Development. The Head Scientist looked up from one of her experiments with puzzled interest.
The soldier thought quickly, stood up straight and saluted.
"I am here to report the partial success of the Personal Invisibility Device," he said.
"I see," the Head Scientist said. "But the Shrink Ray seems to be working perfectly."


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5521 on: Feb 23, 2021, 01:25:41 AM »
 :D lo poi


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5522 on: Feb 23, 2021, 04:19:16 AM »

It has been determined that having sex before participating in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the athlete's abilities.

In fact, men have known and displayed this for centuries. After sex, they glance at their watches and say, "Oops, gotta run!"



Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5523 on: Feb 23, 2021, 06:42:57 AM »
 ;D


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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5524 on: Feb 24, 2021, 04:39:11 AM »
There was a married couple who were in a terrible accident. The woman's face was burned severely. The Doctor told the husband they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny.

The husband then donated some of his skin ..... however, the only place suitable to the Doctor was from his buttocks.

The husband requested that no one be told of this, because after all this was a very delicate matter!

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever did before!

All her friends and relatives just ranted and raved at her youthful beauty.

She was alone with her husband one day and she wanted to thank him for what he did. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me! There is no way I could ever repay you!"

He replied, "Oh, don't worry, Honey, I get plenty of thanks every time your Mother comes over and kisses you on your cheek!!"




Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5525 on: Feb 24, 2021, 06:26:43 AM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5526 on: Feb 25, 2021, 04:29:57 AM »

A couple who'd been married for over 50 years was sitting on the sofa, when the wife said, "Dear, do you remember how you used to sit close to me?"

He moved over and sat close to her.

"Dear," she continued, "do you remember how you used to hold me tight?"

He reached over and held her tight.

"And," she went on, "do you remember how you used to hug me and kiss me and nibble on my ear?"

With that, her husband got up and started to walk out of the room.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"Well," answered the husband, "I have to get my teeth."



Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5527 on: Feb 26, 2021, 03:16:18 AM »

A dog walks into the unemployment office and asks a man behind the desk if he would help him find work.
The man, astonished at the sight of a speaking dog, replies, "I think I can help you." The guy was immediately on the phone to the circus to find out if they could use the dog in their routine.
The dog overhears some of this conversation and says, "I hate to interrupt, but what would the circus want with a brick layer?"



Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5528 on: Feb 26, 2021, 01:40:10 PM »
 ;D


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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5529 on: Feb 27, 2021, 04:16:41 AM »


Delta Airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips. Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip.
Responses are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5530 on: Feb 28, 2021, 04:29:32 AM »

A young seminary student went home for Christmas break. A horrible snowstorm stranded the regular minister in another town. The leaders of the congregation asked the young man to substitute for the regular minister.

The young preacher started his sermon by explaining the meaning of a substitute. "If you break a window," he said, "and then place a piece of plywood over the hole -- that's a substitute."

After the sermon, a well-intentioned woman wished to compliment the young man. As she enthusiastically shook his hand, she said: "You were no substitute. You were a real pane!"




Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5531 on: Mar 01, 2021, 03:18:39 AM »


A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?"
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's so much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own ... so does she."


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5532 on: Mar 01, 2021, 10:32:56 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5533 on: Mar 02, 2021, 03:31:00 AM »

Two archeologists, exploring a remote mountain in Tibet came across a huge granite statue which resembled a sitting man. It stood almost 400 foot tall, and its bodily details were accurate down to the fingernails and teeth.
"It looks real enough to talk," says one.
"Lets try," says the other and turning to the statue he asks it its name.
No answer.
"How old are you?"
No answer.
Finally. one shouts out, "What is the square root of 64?"
Suddenly, the mountain shakes as the giant statue rises onto its feet and puts its hand on its chin. Then after about ten seconds, the statue answers in a roaring voice, "Eight."

"Of course!" says the scientist, "... It only stands to reason."




Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #5534 on: Mar 03, 2021, 05:54:36 PM »
 ;D


 


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