Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 675909 times)

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6150 on: May 10, 2022, 04:37:14 AM »


A teacher says, “Okay, class. Today we’re going to be talking about the tenses. If I say ‘I’m beautiful,’ which tense is it?”

Little Johnny raises his hand and says, “Obviously past tense, Miss.”


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6151 on: May 11, 2022, 04:33:28 AM »


A blond was rollerblading with her headphones on. she stopped in the hair salon and asked for a hair cut. she instructed that the hair stylist could not take off the headphones.
the stylist replied "no" so the blond left. she went to a different hair salon and said the same thing. the stylist replied "ok".
after a while, the blond fell asleep in the chair. the stylist took off the headphones and the blonde died on the spot. confused at what happened, the stylist put on the headphones. they were saying, "breath in, breath out"


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6152 on: May 11, 2022, 08:43:30 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6153 on: May 12, 2022, 04:27:05 AM »


Two confirmed bachelors sat talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.

"I got a cookbook once," said the first, "but I could never do anything with it."

"Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asked the second.

"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - 'Take a clean dish and..


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6154 on: May 12, 2022, 09:11:36 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6155 on: May 15, 2022, 04:12:54 AM »


An old codger goes to visit his doctor about painful peeing. His wife goes with him because the poor old bloke is hard of hearing.

After an examination the Doctor says to the old man, "Right, I'll need you to leave a urine, semen and feces samples for analysis."

The old man didn't quite hear the Doctor and asks his wife, "What did the Doctor say?"

The wife replies, "He wants you to leave your underpants here, dear."


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6156 on: May 15, 2022, 05:24:40 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6157 on: May 17, 2022, 04:27:25 AM »


A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."
"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly, and they're overpriced. So, whatcha' doing when you get there?"
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people are trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome. "It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!
"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand, I knelt down, and he spoke a few words to me."
"Oh, really! What did he say?"
"He said: 'Where did you get the crappy hairdo?'"



Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6158 on: May 17, 2022, 07:09:38 PM »
 :D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6159 on: Today at 04:09:50 AM »


Two babies lies in the birth section

Baby 1: I'm a boy.
Baby 2: prove it.
Baby 1: Not in front of the nurse.
Baby 2: Okay The nurse leaves
Baby 2: Prove it.
Baby 1: Look, blue socks...


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #6160 on: Today at 04:13:47 AM »
 ;D


 


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