Comic Relief!!

[Green Mountian Hunter]

Sounds all to well

[30-30]

A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night.

 Waiting for her date as she was, she wanted to make sure everything was perfect. So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally passes gas quite loudly just as the waiter walks up.

 Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced, knowing everyone in the place heard her, turns to the waiter and demands "Stop That!"

 The waiter looks at her dryly and says "Sure lady, which way was it headed?"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

hehehe

[30-30]

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third guy remained quiet.

 After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, 'Well, what about you? What sort of control do you have over your wife?'

 The third fellow says, 'I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.'

 The first two guys were amazed. 'What happened then?' they asked.

 She said, "GET OUT FROM UNDER THE BED AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN!".

[Green Mountian Hunter]

hehe

[30-30]

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny,Pat?"

 "I just saw one of your garters!"

 "Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!"

 The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?"

 "I just saw both of your garters!"

 Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!"

 Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

 "Where do you think you're going?" she asks.

 "From what I just saw, my school days are over!"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

yeah

[30-30]

There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, just like they did every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do you think there's baseball in heaven?"

 Soloman thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno, Abe. But let's make a deal: If I die first, I will come back and tell you, and if you die first, you come back and tell me, if there is basebal l in heaven."

 They shake on it and, sadly, a few months later poor Abe passes on. One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol...."

 Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"

 "Yes it is Sol," whispers the spirit of Abe.

 Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in heaven?"

 "Well," says Abe says, "I got good news and I got bad news."

 "Gimme the good news first," says Sol.

 Abe says, "Well... there is baseball in heaven."

 Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?"

 Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."

[Green Mountian Hunter]

Oh boy

[30-30]

A doctor, and engineer, a rabbi and a lawyer were debating who was the world's first professional.
 The Doctor said "It must have been a doctor. Who else could have helped with the world's first surgery of taking a rib from Adam to create Eve, the first woman.
 "No," said the rabbi. "It must have been a rabbi, since the Lord needed someone to help preach his message to Adam and the world.
 "Wait," Said the engineer "The world was created in 6 days from nothing. Do you know what a master engineering feat that must have been to create the whole world into an organized civilized place from utter chaos?"
 "And WHO created the chaos?" said the lawyer.

[mschott]

[Green Mountian Hunter]

Nice very nice

[30-30]

There once was a lady who was very concerned about her missing parrot.

 Not knowing what to do, she called 911. "You gotta help me find my parrot!"

 The operator patiently replied, "We can't help you with that, ma'am. This number only deals with emergencies."

 However, the lady persisted, and then the operator told her not to be concerned, that the parrot should fly back in a few days.

 Then, out of desperation, the lady begged, "But you don't understand! The only thing he says is 'Here, kitty, kitty'!!!"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

hehe

[30-30]

A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himselfat the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter started to escort him inside, when he began to protest that his untimely death had to be some sort of mistake.

 "I'm much too young to die! I'm only 35!" St. Peter agreed that 35 did seem to be a bit young to be entering the pearly gates, and agreed to check on his case.

 When St. Peter returned, he told the attorney, "I'm afraid that the mistake must be yours, my son. We verified your age on the basis of the number of hours you've billed to your clients, and you're at least 108."