Comic Relief!!

[30-30]

A mother writes a letter to her sun, who is in a prison.
- Dear sun, life's so hard for me since they took you to a prison: nobody digs a vegetable garden, nobody plants potato's...
The sun writes back to her mother:
- Mom, please stay away from the garden. If you start digging it, the police may come and both take you to a prison and prolong mine imprisonment..
Mother writes back to her sun:
- Darling, together with your last letter police came. They dug all over the garden, but haven't found anything. The left being extremely frustrated.
Sun writes his mom:
- I helped as much, as I could with this. Please plant the potato's by yourself.

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

Wives can be only one of three kinds:
1. Pretty, but not loyal.
2. Loyal, but ugly.
3. Pretty and loyal, but inflatable.

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

A little boy at a wedding, looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?" His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life." The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"

[30-30]

A young deer in the woods learned to use all four hooves equally well...

He was known to be bambidextrous.

[30-30]

Susie: My husband is a great handyman. He can repair almost anything.

Jane: My mother always taught me to beware of the man that can fix everything. You'll never get anything new.

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

Brian’s stress level was at unsurpassed levels.  His wife Maggie was in labor and Brian was sure it was time to head to the hospital.  Breathing heavily, Brian grabbed the phone and called the doctor.   “MY WIFE, SHE’S READY, SHOULD WE COME?”  The doctor tried to relax the poor fellow, “just try to relax, now tell me how much time elapses between the contractions?”  “SHIRLEY!”  Brian screamed on the top of his lungs,  “HOW MUCH TIME IN BETWEEN THE CONTRACTIONS? TEN MINUTES? OK, TEN MINUTES IN BETWEEN!”

“And is this her first child?” Questioned the doctor. “NO YOU STUPID NITWIT, THIS IS HER HUSBAND!”

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

John was starving!! He was stuck in a small hick town, lost and hungry. He was happy when he saw a small restaurant coming up on his right. John quickly pulled over, parked his car, and walked inside.

John noticed a blackboard with a sign written in yellow chalk, “Today’s Special: Vegetable Soup with Fried Chicken and Grilled Vegetables.”

“I’ll take the special”, said John to the waiter when he came to take his order.

A few minutes after receiving his order John called over the waiter, he was fuming mad. “IS THIS THE SPECIAL!? It says vegetable soup, BUT THERE ARE NO VEGETABLES! It says grilled vegetables, BUT THEY AREN’T GRILLED THEY ARE BAKED!?  And it says fried chicken, AND THE CHICKEN ISN’T FRIED!?

The waiter was not used to city folks and their attitudes and frankly he was not going to put up with this behavior. “My dear man,” said the waiter looking down at John over his glasses, “that is what makes it so special

[30-30]

Tom to his mom: "Mom, please tell me a story?"

Mom: "Sorry, honey, I don't have any new stories to tell. But you should ask your dad why he was late coming home today. He will then tell you some amazing stories."

[30-30]

Larry was a photographer for the N.Y. Times, and was scheduled to meet a plane on the runway to take him on a job. “Hit it,” said Larry climbing into the first plane he saw on the runway. The pilot took off, and was soon in the air. “OK,” said Larry, “fly low over the trees over there, I want to take a few pictures.” “What do you mean?” asked the pilot. Larry looked at the pilot and answered a little annoyed, “I need to take some pictures for the N.Y. Times, so please…..”   There was a long pause, before the pilot asked in a shaky voice, “you mean you’re not my pilot instructor?”

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

All pro athletes are 
bilingual. They speak English and profanity