Comic Relief!!

[30-30]

A preacher, newly called to a small country town, needed to mail a letter. Passing a young boy on the street, the pastor asked where he could find the post office.After getting his answer, the minister thanked the boy and said, “If you’ll come to the community church this evening, you can hear me tell everyone how to get to heaven.”“I don’t know, sir,” the boy replied. “You don’t even know how to get to the post office!”

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

A young couple, madly in love, decided to get married. But as the wedding day neared, both grew increasingly nervous over secret problems they had never shared with anyone. Privately, the groom-to-be approached his minister. “I’m really concerned about this marriage,” the young man said. “Don’t you love her?” the pastor asked in surprise. “Of course,” the groom said. “But I have unbelievably smelly feet—and I’m afraid my fiancée won’t be able to stand them. ”“Oh, is that all?” the pastor replied. “Look, all you need to do is wash your feet twice a day and wear socks all the time. ”The groom thought it over and decided it just might work. Meanwhile, the nervous bride had privately approached the minister’s wife. “I’m so worried,” she sobbed. “I have really bad breath when I wake up each day! ”“Oh, dear,” the pastor’s wife replied,” everyone has bad breath in the morning. Don’t worry about it. ”“No, you don’t understand,” the bride implored. “My morning breath is so awful, my fiancé won’t even want to be near me! ”“Well, I have an idea,” the pastor’s wife said soothingly. “Set your alarm just a few minutes before your husband wakes up. Run to the bathroom, brush your teeth, and gargle with mouthwash before he gets out of bed. The key is not to say anything until you’ve taken care of your breath. ”The bride thought it over and decided it just might work. In time, a beautiful wedding was held and the bride and groom enjoyed the day without once worrying about their secret problems. For several months they managed to keep their issues to themselves. Then one morning, the husband awoke before dawn to find that one of his socks had come off in the night. Frantic, he searched the bed, afraid of what might happen if he didn’t find his sock soon. His bride woke with a start, and, without thinking, blurted out, “What in the world are you doing? ”“Oh, dear!” the young man wailed. “You swallowed my sock!”

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

There was a man driving down the road when he ran out of petrol. He went to the nearest house to ask for some fuel. As soon as he opened the door it started to pour so the guy asked to stay overnight. The owner said, "OK, but if you see a monster in the garage, whatever you do don't touch it."
So the man went up to the guest room but was too curious. He went down to the garage and saw the huge ugly monster. He decided to see what it would do if he threw a rock at it or made faces. He did both these but nothing happened.
So the man went and touched the monster. Up the monster jumped and chased the man all over the country. When the man got to a cliff he thought he was going to die, so he rolled up in a tiny ball.
Then the monster came over and touched the man and said, "You're it!"

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

A man on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's even moving." He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, "Excuse me, Officer, what's the hold up?" The Officer replies, "President Biden was just implicated in another scandal with his son Hunter and he's all depressed. He stopped his motorcade in the middle of the Beltway and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him and he doesn't have the $33.5 million he owes his lawyers. I'm walking around taking up a collection for him". "Oh really? How much have you collected so far?" "I've got a lot of folks still siphoning, but right now I have about three hundred gallons."

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

Mr. Smith took his four-year-old son, Bryan, to several baseball games where "The Star-Spangled Banner" was sung before the start of each game.
Several days later,  the Smith family attended St Bartholomew's church on the Sunday before Independence Day.  The congregation sang The Star-Spangled Banner, and after everyone sat down, Bryan suddenly stood up and  yelled out at the top of his voice, 'Play ball.'

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband.
"Henry," she said, "I've just received a letter from mother saying she isn't accepting our invitation to come and stay, as we do not appear to want her. What does she mean by that? I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own convenience. You did write, didn't you?"
"Er, yes, I did," said the husband. "But I couldn't spell 'convenience', so I made it 'risk'."

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

The composition teacher asked the class to write about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up and read his essay. It began, "Daddy fell into the well last week..."
"My goodness!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he all right?"
"He must be," said the boy. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?"
"Oh, Mom," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..."
Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, Mom, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language...things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home.... Please Mom!"
"Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?
"Please don't make me tell you, Mom," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! Come get me, please!"
"Darling, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mom, they were words like dust, wash, iron, cook!"