Comic Relief!!

[Green Mountian Hunter]

          Arkansas Fried Chicken

What do you get when you order a 'Hillary Clinton' at KFC?

Two breasts and a left wing

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                         Deer  Meat

                  A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.
                 
                  Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.

                 The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.
               
                 Well, he said, 'It's what mummy calls me sometimes'.

                The little girl screams to her brother 'Don't eat it, it's an a**hole..

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LEXOPHILIA - WHO ON EARTH DREAMS THESE UP?     A lexophile of course!

 .    Venison for dinner again?   Oh deer!

 .    How does Moses make tea?   Hebrews it.

 .    England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

 .    I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

 .    They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.

 .    I changed my iPod's name to Titanic.  It's syncing now.

 .    Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

 .    I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any
 time

 .    I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on
 me

 .    This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd
 never met herbivore.

 .    When chemists die, they barium.

 .    I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.   I just can't put it down.

 .    I did a theatrical performance about puns.   It was a play on words.

 .    Why were the Indians here first?  They had reservations.

 .    I didn't like my beard at first.  Then it grew on me.

 .    Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she
 couldn't control her pupils?

 .    When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

 .    I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

 .    I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

 .    Velcro - what a rip off!

 .    Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last.

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[Green Mountian Hunter]

                                         Blondes  Jelly

                        I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?"
                       "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied.
                        I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labelled "KY Jelly."

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I always get a kick out of some of these terminology list, I hope the rest of you do


Medical terminology

Artery -- Study of paintings
Bacteria -- Back door of cafeteria
Barium -- What doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- Letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarean section -- District in Rome
Cat scan -- Searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- Sheep dog
Coma -- A punctuation mark
Congenital -- Friendly
D&C -- Where Washington is
Diarrhea -- Journal of daily events
Dilate -- To live long
Enema -- Not a friend
Fester -- Quicker
Fibula -- A small lie
G.I. Series -- Soldiers' ball game
Grippe -- Suitcase
Hangnail -- Coathook
Impotent -- Distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- Torture in a teepee
Labor pain -- Got hurt at work
Medical staff -- Doctor's cane
Morbid -- Higher offer
Nitrate -- Cheaper than day rate
Node -- Was aware of
Outpatient -- Person who had fainted
Pelvis -- Cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- Letter carrier
Protein -- Favoring young people
Rectum -- It almost killed him
Recovery room -- Place to do upholstery
Rheumatic -- Amorous
Scar -- Rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion -- Hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- Study of knighthood
Tablet -- Small table
Terminal illness -- Sickness at airport
Tibia -- Country in North Africa
Tumor -- An extra pair
Urine -- Opposite of you're out
Varicose -- Located nearby
Vein -- Conceited

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[Green Mountian Hunter]

                  How can you tell when you're playing against a radicalized Muslim Quarterback?
           
                 When he goes under center to call signals and yells out "Kill Kill Kill...B-52 B-52...Ji-hu

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Translations for men
 These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there, so that you will know what we really mean when we say...

 "IT'S A GUY THING"

 Translated:* "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

 "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"

 Translated:* "Why isn't it already on the table?"

 "UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"

 Translated:* Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

 "IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"

 Translated:* "I have no idea how it works."

 "TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."

 Translated:* "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

 "THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."

 Translated:* "Are you still talking?"

 "YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."

 Translated:* "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car

 I've ever owned... but I forgot your birthday."

 "OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL."

 Translated:* "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

 "HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING."

 Translated:* "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."

 "I CAN'T FIND IT."

 Translated:* "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

 "WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"

 Translated:* "What did you catch me at?"

 "I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."

 Translated:* "No one will ever see us alive again."

 "WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."

 Translated:* "I make the messes; she cleans them up."

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[Green Mountian Hunter]

                              Blonde Coffee Drinker

                 A blonde says to her doctor, "Each time I try to sip my coffee, my eye hurts."

                 The doctor says, "Maybe you should take the stirrer out of the cup."

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              My friend once went to a strip club in Abu Dhabi and got thrown out after saying: "Show us your face".

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