Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 913145 times)

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #3570 on: Aug 26, 2016, 04:13:13 AM »



This story happened a while ago in Dublin, and even though it sounds
 like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.

 John Bradford, a Dublin University student, was on the side of the road
 hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a storm.

 The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm was so strong he
 could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car slowly
 coming towards him and stopped. John, desperate for shelter and without
 thinking about it, got into the car and closed the door only to realize
 there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on!!

 The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a
 curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life.
 Then, just before the car hit the curve, a hand appeared through the
 window and turned the wheel. John, paralyzed with terror,


watched as the hand repeatedly came through the window,


but never touched or harmed him.

 Shortly thereafter John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road,
 so, gathering strength, he jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and
 out of breath, he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the
 horrible experience he had just had.

 A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying
 and....wasn't drunk.

 Suddenly, the door opened, and two other people walked in from the
 stormy night. They, like John, were also soaked and out of breathe.
 Looking around, and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other...


"Look Paddy...there's that  bastard that got in the car while we were pushing it." !!!!

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #3571 on: Aug 27, 2016, 05:02:17 AM »


I took my wife to a restaurant.
 The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
 "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
 He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
 "Nah, she can order for herself."

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #3572 on: Aug 27, 2016, 06:48:04 AM »
 :D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #3573 on: Aug 28, 2016, 04:57:33 AM »

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she
 kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
 I asked her, "Do you know him?"
 "Yes", she sighed,
 "He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we
 split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
 "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
 

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #3574 on: Aug 28, 2016, 06:06:02 AM »
 ;D


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #3575 on: Aug 28, 2016, 06:11:18 AM »


             A man wants to become a bell-ringer, but has no arms. So he tells the priest of his wish, but the priest says:
            "How can you be our bell-ringer without arms?" He replied "Arms? Who needs 'em!"
             So the arm-less guy runs to the top of the bell tower, and starts ringing the bell with his face,
             making beautiful music. Unfortunately, he misses the last note, and falls from the bell tower.
             A bunch of parishioners gather around him, asking: "Who is this guy?"
             The priest says: "I don't know, but his face rings a bell."




Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #3576 on: Aug 29, 2016, 07:42:52 PM »


When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me
 that I should get it fixed.  But, somehow I always had something else to take
 care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more
 important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
 When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily
 snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for
 a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and
 when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish
 cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
 The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

 ________________________________

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #3577 on: Aug 30, 2016, 03:54:42 AM »


My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
 She asked, "What's on TV?"
 I said, "Dust."

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #3578 on: Aug 30, 2016, 05:32:33 PM »
 ;D


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #3579 on: Aug 30, 2016, 05:33:51 PM »



                       Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage,
                       the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year,
                       the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year,
                       they both speak and the neighbors listen.




Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #3580 on: Aug 31, 2016, 03:14:57 AM »


                                 ;D

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #3581 on: Aug 31, 2016, 03:15:20 AM »


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
 She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
 I bought her a bathroom scale.

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #3582 on: Aug 31, 2016, 03:50:39 AM »
 ;D


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #3583 on: Sep 01, 2016, 04:59:04 PM »


               
                  Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
                  Because it said 'concentrate'.




Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #3584 on: Sep 02, 2016, 05:47:25 AM »


                                        ;D

 


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