Author Topic: Comic Relief!!  (Read 914351 times)

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #3825 on: Jan 16, 2017, 03:51:30 AM »




                                    ;D

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #3826 on: Jan 16, 2017, 03:51:52 AM »



Girl:     'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'   

Boy:     'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'   

Girl:     'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #3827 on: Jan 16, 2017, 05:42:53 PM »
 :D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #3828 on: Jan 17, 2017, 05:16:10 AM »


Son:     'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'   
 
Mom:    'Well, you have done the right thing.'   
 
Son:     'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.' 

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #3829 on: Jan 17, 2017, 05:20:21 PM »
 :D


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #3830 on: Jan 17, 2017, 05:24:47 PM »


                      A guy took a blonde out on a date.
                      Eventually they ended up parked at lover's point where they started making out.
                      After things started getting pretty good, he thought he might get lucky, so he asked her,
                     "Do you want to go in the back seat?" "No!" she answered.
                      Okay, he thought, maybe she's not ready yet. Now he has her shirt and skirt off,
                      the windows are steamed, and things are getting really hot, so he asks again,
                     "Do you want to go in the back seat?" "No!" she answers again.
                      Now he has her bra off, they're both very sweaty, and she even has his pants unzipped.
                      Okay, he thinks, she HAS to want it now. "Do you want to go in the back seat?" he asks again.
                     "No!" she answers yet again. Frustrated, he demands, "Well why not?"
                     "Because I want to stay up here with you!"

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/blondejokes/datewithblondejoke.html


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #3831 on: Jan 18, 2017, 04:49:38 AM »


                            ;D

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #3832 on: Jan 18, 2017, 04:50:50 AM »

A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'   


'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'   

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #3833 on: Jan 18, 2017, 05:43:29 PM »
 ;D ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #3834 on: Jan 20, 2017, 03:48:52 AM »



A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.

'What was that for?' the man asked. The wife replied ,

'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'.

The man then said 'When I was at the races last week, Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on.' The wife apologized and went on with the housework.

Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.

Wife replied. 'Your horse phoned'

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #3835 on: Jan 20, 2017, 03:49:47 PM »
 ;D


Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #3836 on: Jan 21, 2017, 05:21:10 AM »

A lady wanted to board her horse. The first farmer she asked said he would keep it at $25 a day, plus he would keep the manure. She thought that was too high and went to another farmer. His price was $20 per day plus he would get to keep the manure. Then she went to a third farmer who asked just $5 a day. The lady asked, "Don't you want to keep the manure?" The farmer said, "At $5 a day, there won't be any!"

Offline 30-30

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #3837 on: Jan 22, 2017, 04:05:29 AM »


Two old men had been best friends for years, and they both live to their early 90's, when one of them suddenly falls deathly ill. His friend comes to visit him on his deathbed, and they're reminiscing about their long friendship, when the dying man's friend asks, "Listen, when you die, do me a favor. I want to know if there's baseball in heaven."

The dying man said, "We've been friends for years, this I'll do for you." And then he dies. A couple days later, his surviving friend is sleeping when he hears his friend's voice. The voice says, "I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that there's baseball in heaven." "What's the bad news?" "The bad news is that you're pitching on Wednesday."

Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #3838 on: Jan 22, 2017, 07:19:17 AM »
 :D


Offline Green Mountian Hunter

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Re: Comic Relief!!
« Reply #3839 on: Jan 22, 2017, 07:33:04 AM »


               A blonde reads that if you bathe in milk, it makes your skin beautiful.

               So the next morning she leaves a note for the milkman, "Leave me 115 quarts of milk."

               The next morning milkman reads this and thinks I better make sure this is what she wants.

               He rings the bell and here is this beautiful blond with great complexion and tiny waist, he asks her if this is right.

               She replies, "Yes it's good to bathe in milk." The milkman then asks her if she wants it pasteurized.

               She answers, "Oh no, just past my neck would be fine!"




 


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