Comic Relief!!

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in
Detroit.
 It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under
 awnings.

"Mom,"
 said the boy, "what are all those women
 doing?"

"They're
 waiting for their husbands to get off work," she
 replied.

The
 taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell
 him the truth?  They're hookers, boy!  They have sex
 with men for money."

The
 little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true
 Mom?"

His
 mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers
 "Yes."

After
 a few minutes the kid asks, "Mom, if those women have babies, what
 happens to them?"


She
 said, "Most of them become taxi
 drivers."


 

[30-30]

An elderly, but hardy cattleman from Texas
 once told a young female neighbor that if she wanted to live a
 long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her
 oatmeal each morning.  She did this religiously and lived to
 the ripe old age of 103.  She left behind 14 children, 30
 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five
 great-great-grandchildren and a 40 foot hole where the crematorium
 used to be.

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store's opening time, in front of the store.

 A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line...

 "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store!"

[30-30]

              It's crazy law time again, here is the ones for Connecticut!You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour.

 In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce.

Looking for more dumb laws? Check out DumbLaws.com!

 It is illegal to dispose of used razor blades.

 You cannot buy any alcohol after 8pm or on Sundays.

 The marriage of imbeciles and feeble-minded persons is prohibited. (Repealed)

 It is illegal to discharge a firearm from a public highway.

 No one may use a white cane, unless they are blind.


Devon
 It is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
Guilford
 Only white Christmas lights are allowed for display.
Hartford
 You aren't allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands. You may not educate dogs. It is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday.
New Britain
 It is illegal for fire trucks to exceed 25mph, even when going to a fire.
Southington
 Silly string is banned.
Waterbury
 It is illegal for any beautician to hum, whistle, or sing while working on a customer.

[30-30]

              Here are a few quotes from Bumper stickers that will make you think!

I love animals, they taste great.

 EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.

 "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."

 Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

 The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

 Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

 He who laughs last thinks slowest!

 Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

 A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

 Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

              Things to Ponder!

 Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

 Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

 Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

 Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

 Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

 If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

 Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

 Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

 How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

 If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old
 friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the
 hospital and went home, I went to visit.*




*'May I see the new baby?' I asked*>>
 *'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.'*

 *Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'*
 *'No, not yet,' She said.*

 After another few minutes had elapsed, I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'*
 *'No, not yet,' replied my friend.*

 *Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'*
 *'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.*
 *'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. *
 *'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'*

 *'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?'*

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

                 I have some more things that I ponder about, here are some!

If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?

 If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

 If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?

 If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

 You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

 Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

 Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

 Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?

 Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

 You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

[Green Mountian Hunter]

 

[30-30]

             It's time for Dumb Laws again, and it's Delaware's turn, it's a small state so there aren't that many!

 •It is illegal to fly over any body of water, unless one is carrying sufficient supplies of food and drink.
Lewes


Looking for more dumb laws? Check out DumbLaws.com!


•It is illegal to wear pants that are "firm fitting" around the waist.


•Getting married on a dare is grounds for an annulment.